Whatever, you probably don't care to hear more about my psychic ex-friend, Leroy.
Jose Luis Pelaez Inc/Blend Images/Getty Images
As seen here, in a stock photo of a person who's not him.
Lectures about the dangers of gambling are what you came to read. Far be it from me to not deliver.
The reasons why a person should avoid casinos are as diverse and numerous as all the reasons a person should avoid smoking or heroin. It's fun in small doses but can be incredibly addicting, which is precisely why you shouldn't be at a casino alone. If you are, it's a pretty good sign it's becoming something more than a fun thing you do when you're bored. Unless you're Floyd Mayweather or some shit, that's a dangerous road to be on.
I accept right up front that not only is this advice that almost everyone will ignore, but that I'm the last person who should be giving it. I'm certainly not going to claim that I adhere to a strict policy of cooking all my meals unless I'm in the company of friends. I'm as prone to giving in to temptation as the next person. I mean, I live mere steps away from an El Pollo Loco, for fuck's sake. I'd never eat there, but having it nearby does sometimes make me yearn for food cooked for me at a less disgusting place.
Who eats here?
Still, if you're looking to save a few dollars and maybe be a little bit healthier, just preparing your meals at home is as good a way as any to help make that happen.
Sure, if "cooking at home" for you means a wide variety of frozen burritos and not much else, the health benefits fly right the fuck out the window, but financially it should be a windfall, provided you weren't surviving solely on dollar-menu items from Jack In The Box. Use the extra money to buy health insurance if you don't have it already. I got an email from my aunt last week that says Obama will send you to a FEMA camp if you don't.
Who are you going to trust, Snopes or your own family?
Also, the most common reason people cite for not cooking regularly is that it's something they just aren't that good at. Well, shit, get better at it. Take a class or something. That's an important life skill to have, right up there with knowing how to change a tire or smuggle weed through airport security. You never know when it's going to come in handy.
Again, though, I'm not saying you absolutely must do any of this or that you're any less of a person because you don't. Except the part where you don't cook, you shiftless bastard. It's just a suggestion that I absolutely won't follow any more vehemently than any of you will, a truth made all the more apparent by the fact that I wrote most of this entry while eating breakfast at a Denny's. Still, goals are nice.
Adam is on Twitter, go be his friend there @adamtodbrown.
It's always fun to see an animated movie with friends, but it's even more fun to laugh at a crazy animated ripoff. Check out Brazil's horribly rendered version of Cars in The 6 Most Psychotic Ripoffs Of Famous Animated Films, and if you're going to take drugs with friends, maybe read a primer first with 5 Things No One Thinks About When Buying Illegal Drugs. If only there were Yelp for drug dealers.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel to see how to sleep with your friends (the non-sex kind) in 5 Rules For Sleeping In Bed With Your Friends, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!
Also follow us on Facebook, because *sexy music* you shouldn't be alone tonight.
Come see Cracked editors talking post-apocalyptic movie worlds with scientists and special guests during a LIVE PODCAST at UCB on Dec. 9 at 7 p.m.! Tickets on sale here!