The same thing happened with soccer, only nobody was there to say, "That's great! Here's what soccer is, and here's how to play it." All I knew was that it was something new, it sounded like fun, and dropping everything to go to grad school or joining the Peace Corps seemed a bit too extreme. Maybe it was a sign I was finally maturing, but I realized that there are smaller, less shattering things I could do to make life more interesting. Things like trying online dating, performing stand-up comedy, and attempting to make homemade gummy bears seemed relatively easy. OK, so it wasn't necessarily a sign I was maturing.
Understand, I'm not ignorant about sports. I am an excellent casual spectator, with a solid general knowledge of rules and basic strategies for many mainstream sports that you can watch on TV in the U.S. -- especially if there's a liberal amount of drinking and gambling involved. I was also a bit of an athlete in my youth, boasting the largest butt on the track team and several other accolades. But that was long ago. I had never played soccer for real, and I barely knew the rules, let alone how to play it well. I was pretty solid on the idea of "kick the ball and make it go in that direction," but that was about it.
Ryan McVay/Photodisc/Getty Images
And sometimes you have to stand in a line and clutch your crotch.