The problem there, of course, is that it implies that Skrillex is enjoyed by really smart people, which is clearly untrue. But then again it also implies that Godspeed You! Black Emperor is enjoyed by really smart people, which is clearly super true. But then again again, it implies that when I made that joke earlier about fart metal being a really intellectually stimulating genre, I was technically correct, so clearly we're down the goddamn rabbit hole and none of us will ever see our families again.
"Taking a Year Off to Travel Really Broadened My Perspective"
Ryan McVay/Digital Vision/Getty Images
Bragging about traveling is the least self-aware thing a person can do these days. Like, this isn't the 15th century, and you're not a goddamn conquistador. Traveling the world isn't a mark of bravery or strength or intrepidness (whatever that means); it's a mark of opportunity and privilege.
The most irritating example is at the end of the otherwise-fantastic autobiography Dove, which chronicles Robin Lee Graham's adolescent single-handed sail around the world. After a few hundred pages of absolutely fascinating adventure, he concludes the story with a dimwitted rant about how everyone who works in an office is a sheep, man, and if they had any real strength they'd hop on a boat and sail around the world, just like he did. In this moment Graham forgets all the times he had to ask his parents to wire him money, and also the fact that he spent the entire journey one stroke of bad luck away from death. Based on that example, it seems like time spent seeing the world as a young'n would imbue you with tons of arrogance and delusion, but that's where the science comes in to validate the dicks again.
The Terrible, Terrible Science
Turns out that traveling, particularly in the high school and college years, significantly improves your creativity and empathy. When asked what it would be like to wake up with a different skin color, for example, kids who had shortsightedly traveled the world on their college loans or parents' dime gave answers that were "richer in description, detail, and humor."
Adam Gault/Digital Vision/Getty Images
Also in wallet.
Most depressingly, it was far greater for people who had actually studied abroad than it was for people who simply wanted to study abroad -- proving that it's the opportunity to indulge curiosity, rather than curiosity itself, that is more valuable.
What This All Means for You
I dunno, man. Maybe leather seats really are better than canvas ones. Maybe English accents make you smarter and science just hasn't figured it out yet. Maybe drinking single-malt Scotch gives you superpowers. Should we just start groveling before anyone who has a condescending snort?
Digital Vision./Photodisc/Getty Images
Should we make him our God?
No! Fuck that, guys. I will not go gently into that good night. I will not vanish without a fight. I am canceling the apocalypse. Next week, I'm doing the exact opposite of this article: "5 Snobby Comments That Science Has Disproven," just like I originally intended. By Jove, I swear I can find the information I need. Wish me luck.
Let's tear these scarf-wearing sonsofbitches down a peg.
JF Sargent is an editor for Cracked with a new column every Tuesday whether you like it or not. Tweet him on Twitter or Face him on Facebook.
For more from Sarge, check out 6 Reasons Comedy Is Better Than Drama and 5 Reasons We Will Always Blame the Victim.
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