4

Science Shouldn't Have To Promise Results

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If we only researched things with guaranteed results, the world's most advanced technology would be a pretty sharp piece of rock. Not extremely sharp, because we wouldn't have invented any particularly smart way of sharpening them, just the sharpest one we could find while walking around, because we couldn't justify taking time off from "looking for berries that don't make you shit yourself" duty.

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"You better invent fire before you go in there!"

3

Science Shouldn't Have To Beg For Funding

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2

Science Shouldn't Have To Debate Over Dumb Bullshit

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Science is about asking questions, demanding proof, and welcoming challenges to established fact. Like all the finest and purest things about humanity, these can be abused and betrayed by assholes. Welcoming questions doesn't mean stopping every time an idiot wants to waste your time. Especially when they're blatantly doing it to troll you in both the old "smirking time-wasting" and modern "damaging attack" senses of the word.

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"I'm just curious about a few things; hold still while I ask about them."

Anyone with genuine questions on climate change, fusion energy, genetic engineering, reproductive health, or vaccination can easily find any of the 10,000 answers available. Clearly written and widely available for free with the best intent in the world to educate and explain.

Anti-vaxxers, climate-change-deniers, and other people working to kill us all keep spawning ridiculous arguments, and every time a smart person responds, the idiots win. That smart person is now talking to a fleshy brick wall and getting annoyed, while the other is utterly immune to evidence. And when the smart person realizes this and stops responding, the other side claims victory. It's the debate equivalent of forcing an overflow error.

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"This is just 50 volumes of printed Facebook timelines!"

1

Science Shouldn't Have To Worry

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The one thing science doesn't have to do is worry. It'll always win. Whether it wins with humans or a highly evolved species of dolphin is up to us. And the dolphins that work out that the sea level is still rising will be able to adapt better than those who refuse to acknowledge the changing currents. Science isn't a lifestyle choice, or a belief, or even a group of people. It's a process for figuring shit out.

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"So long, and thanks for all the planet."

You use science, or you end up burning witches. Those are the only options. Science is specifically designed to be self-checking and error-correcting. Every time a scientist is found to be lying or falsifying data, it's trumpeted as a huge scandal, while corrupt politicians are taken as wacky talk-show monologue material. The irony is that any problem in scientific results was discovered by other scientists doing science properly.

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"I haven't been able to replicate your results on broomstick ignition temperatures."

The whole point of science is that it works despite 99 percent of humanity being idiots. Including the scientists. With a 1 percent margin for error. Science is how we stop fooling ourselves. Writing things down and checking them is the only thing between inventing lightning rods and sacrificing virgin cats to the pointiest mountain. We're no smarter than people piling up the Pyramids, stabbing each other with spears, or throwing shit in the streets of ancient cities. Theory, experiment, proof, and peer review are the catchment that keeps the vast wheel of human progress from rolling back downhill, crushing people under the weight of tradition, mob fear, and other backward processes.

So it's especially troubling when the scientific community has to organize campaigns to counteract the dumbassery of politicians and celebrities glancing at things like climate change research and saying, "Nuh-uh. Science is wrong and stupid." The fact that they have to worry about that at all is horrifying. But don't worry too much, Science. Some of us have your back. And when the ants dig up our ruins, your meta-structured holograms will still be around to tell any future lifeforms how to do things better.

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If you still feel like arguing with science, please shut up and read 5 Human Flaws That Prevent Progress And Keep Us Dumb, because you're ruining the world. And if you still don't understand why you shouldn't argue with science, just stop anyway. All Internet arguments eventually become flame wars, as seen in 8 Stupid Arguments That Internet Debates Always Devolve Into.

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