All the thoughts of Beyonce in the world don't matter when you feel like Jay Z looks.
There is no clear answer as to why anyone would decide that it's a good idea to play whack-a-mole when you already feel like a used condom, but I managed to do it each and every time. And each time I felt just as bad as I did before ... except a lot more tired and sweaty. And I couldn't tell which tissues were from my nose and which were from my dick. Note to self: I need to buy a garbage can for my bedroom.
The one time not being able to smell or taste anything made my life better.
Jerking off when you're sick is like making a pizza when all you have is uncooked crust. None of the ingredients are there to make it worth creating, and trying it is a waste of soft dough, so you're better off just waiting for a time when you're more well-stocked, or you could just order pizza from the "casual encounters" section of Craigslist. The analogy kind of breaks down there, but you know what I mean.