5 Stupid Lies That Backfired Hilariously

5

A Guy Faked A Kidnapping To Get Drunk With His Friends, Went To Jail

In early 2018, the pregnant Zoe Doyle received a frantic phone call. Her boyfriend, Leigh Ford, had been taken by two kidnappers while getting food for their evening tea. Doyle thought the whole thing was a joke, the ol' "love of my life has been violently taken against his will" prank. Who hasn't gotten that phone call?

Then they called again, threatening to break Ford's legs, cut off his genitals, and throw boiling water on him. Shouts could be heard in the background as a terrified Ford relayed his captors' demands: 80 pounds. Doyle transferred the oddly specific amount of money to a designated account. It was everything she had, which makes what happens next significantly sadder.

Fearing for the father of their future child, she called the police, launching a major 24-hour investigation. Armed officers scoured the city, a helicopter took to the sky, and a special negotiator was on standby. Things looked grim. And then early the next day, miraculously, Ford came home. Had he fought off his attackers, using his burgeoning Dad Strength to go all John Wick on a couple of crooks? Nope. He'd staged the whole thing to get plastered with his friends.

4

A Sister's Engagement Disapproval Led To A Military Response

In 2015, Canadian Forces got a tip that there was a terrorist living in Alberta. In an email and Facebook message, Hana Bedhiafi told authorities that her sister's fiance was an extremist who was planning to blow up buildings. The government reacted as it always does when even the flimsiest of terrorist threats turn up: More than 20 police units were assigned to the case, including Canada's National Security Enforcement Team, bomb disposal experts, and Arabic translators.

Investigators swooped in on the fiance, putting him under surveillance, searching his apartment with bomb-sniffing dogs, and questioning him for two days. It turned out he didn't have any bombs, or even a criminal record. What kind of wacky misunderstanding could have gotten us here? Maybe Bedhiafi misheard him on the phone boasting that his new track was blowing up on SoundCloud?

3

A Prank Magic Act Turned Into A Riot

Half of the benefit of being rich is that you can just fuck with people. Thus, in 1749, a ruse was apparently hatched by two bored rich people, the Duke of Portland and Earl of Chesterfield. Probably between sips of orphan blood, the Duke remarked that he could "find fools enough in London to fill a playhouse ..." It's definitely a weird bet, but when you're an absurdly wealthy person in the 18th century, it's either this or hunting people on an island for sport.

So soon enough, an audience had filled London's New Theatre. A newspaper ad has promised that an unbelievable trick was about to occur: A magician was going to jump inside of a wine bottle. The advertisement promised he would even sing a song as part of this Ant-Man act, and "during his stay in the bottle any person may handle it." A sellout crowd gathered to witness what can only be described as a man spitting in the face of God and science alike.

2

An MLB Manager Motivated Players With Fake War Stories, Got Fired

In 1998, Tim Johnson was known as being a fantastic manager in Major League Baseball, and this was partly due to his motivational speaking skills. During his time with the Toronto Blue Jays, he'd pump up players with stories from his time in Vietnam serving with the Marine Corps. Comparing anything to war is Baby's First Metaphor, but hey, if it helps win games and earn millions of dollars, what's the harm?

At first, Johnson offered very few details. When asked about it, he said, "I don't talk much about it. I never do. It's something that's past. Let it be." I can only assume that he followed up by adjusting his Aviators and turning toward a sunset. However, these generalities eventually turned into specifics like wading through rice paddies, dealing with Agent Orange, and "killing a girl and her little brother because they were in the line of fire." Nothing like accidental child murder to hone those fastballs!

1

A Bunch Of Soldiers Staged A Fake Battle So They'd Look Heroic

India's Gurkha soldiers are regarded as one of the most badass military regiments in the world. They carry massive curved knives called kukri, and their motto is "Better to die than be a coward," which is something I've only said when walking back to a buffet. Sometimes, though, proving your bravery on the battlefield can be tricky, what with the whole potentially dying thing.

That's likely why one group of Gurkhas decided it was easier to just stage an elaborate battle -- all the credit, none of the risk. So in 2003, a battalion from the 5 Gurkha Rifles Regiment claimed they fought off Pakistani troops on the 21,000-foot Siachen glacier in northern Kashmir. They even had video footage of the dramatic encounter, during which they supposedly killed 52 opposing soldiers and blew up bunkers. Obviously, commanders were impressed. They had displayed superhuman skills, the kind of stuff you only see when you've been playing a new Call Of Duty for two weeks and your friend only got their copy this afternoon.