4

Judd Apatow's Dialogue Scenes Seem To Last Forever

For many of us, Judd Apatow shaped the annoying jokes of our teenage years. Did Steve Carell yell it during the chest waxing scene in 40-Year-Old Virgin? So did we, unable to realize that what's funny in a movie is not funny when it's repeated 40 times in your friends' basement. Moments like that make Apatow films great. Actual lengthy dialogue sequences, though? An entirely different story.

Somehow, a guy as funny as Apatow creates certain exchanges that make you feel like you're in a line to Hell. Take this scene from This Is 40 -- a movie that we're almost certain was constructed entirely out of deleted scenes from a better movie. This one features comedy powerhouse Leslie Mann, comedy legend Albert Brooks, and two kids whom we're quite unfamiliar with. The discussion is a little over two minutes long, which you'll realize can feel like forever when people are just standing around, rambling about nothing.

3

Christopher Nolan Has A Problem Explaining His Themes

To put it simply, Christopher Nolan is a dope-ass world-builder. Whether it's the grim grandeur of a decaying Gotham City, the fantastic folding worlds of Inception, or the cosmic marvel of Interstellar, he knows how to turn cinema into immersion. And his movies are filled with contemplative themes ... themes that he absolutely refuses to deliver with any subtlety whatsoever.

2

Peter Jackson Cannot Do Underwater Shots

From his cult horror classic Dead Alive, to the underrated comedy The Frighteners, to the beautifully disturbing Heavenly Creatures, to the best adaptation of anything ever The Lord Of The Rings, Peter Jackson has had a pretty solid career. Yeah, the Hobbit movies have all of the charm of watching your grandfather take a dump, but I count that trilogy as a single gigantic mistake. Generally speaking, if the film takes place on land, Peter Jackson is your guy. If it takes place underwater, the special effects nosedive faster than your expectations for a Silmarillion movie.

Jackson's special effects are primarily handled by a Weta Workshop, a New-Zealand-based company that usually does fantastic work. Remember how great Minas Tirith looked? That blend of miniatures, CGI, and actual sets has yet to be topped. But if that looks so spectacular, why does a simple underwater scene from Return Of The King look like the intro cinematic for a misguided PlayStation 1 game?

New Line Cinema

Along with a fish that's straight out of a bass fishing arcade machine in the back of a pizza restaurant, the character of Deagol looks wrong. It's as if neither the special effects guys or the computers themselves can figure out what size he's supposed to be at any time during that clip.

Slightly less awful is Sam almost drowning at the end of Fellowship Of The Ring. Sean Astin drowning is in my Top 3 Things I Don't Want To Ever Happen, so the shots are kind of buoyed by the sheer emotion of it all. But it's really obvious that he is not actually underwater, and is instead flailing around in front of a curtain somewhere. Also, the bubbles seem to have been added in a way that I can only describe as "Fuck this. I am NOT coming in on Saturday."

New Line Cinema

1

Joss Whedon's Fight Scenes Are Remarkably Boring

What sticks in your head from The Avengers? We definitely remember when Hulk said "Puny god" after turning Loki's skeleton into banana pudding. Or maybe you just remember that shot of the Avengers looking all heroic, which seems like it was staged specifically for the trailer and then just inserted into the film later.

Marvel Studio"I know the aliens are coming, but holy shit, we look so cool, you guys!"

How much do you recall from the battle with the Chitauri, which was the climax of the actual film? Or the fight with the robot swarm in the climax of Age Of Ultron? Nothing about the pacing or stakes conveys to the viewer that these battles are more important than the other battles. It's just more. As good as Joss Whedon is with character moments and glib comebacks, he's bad at this.

The Thor / Iron Man / Captain America brawl from the middle of The Avengers should've been a classic. After years of playground / high school / college dorm room / bar stool / internet debates about this kind of match-up, there should have been layers of creative escalation. It's a goddamned battle between a super soldier, a robot man, and a literal god!

But when it came time for the three main justice bros to duel, they got in some quips, it was over before it began, and no one was ever in serious danger. Nobody was particularly upset afterward. They should have been! Two of these people are not immortal at all -- one of them is just a regular middle-aged businessman. What if Thor had decapitated Tony Stark? It'd have been as easy as breaking an action figure. This should have been an "Oh, shit!" moment.

For those of you who don't get why Zack Snyder's fans love his movies, part of it is just this. His action scenes have a visceral punch that the early Marvel movies didn't. Whatever his flaws, Snyder's fight scenes make it very apparent that Batman wants to punch Superman's smug face right off his goddamned body.

Daniel Dockery has a truly lovable Twitter.

Yeah, it's an editing thing, but you know what might be useful? Premiere Pro for Dummies.

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For more ways even the very best sometimes go bad, check out 5 Reasons Great Directors Eventually Make A Bad Movie and 5 Oddly Specific Tropes Famous Directors Slip In Every Movie.

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