5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics

Superheroes have been around for most of a century, and like most elderly people, they're pretty damn racist. Hi, this is the second sentence of my article about racism, so 10% of you have already left for the comments section to help explain it all to me. After all, how can I judge characters merely for being a product of their time? When Steve Rogers first became the fighting embodiment of our country's majesty, it was still legal to beat your wife if she was noisy or a llama. And when Batman first hired Robin, "underage anal" was simply a term used in the weighing of logging trucks.

Going all the way back to the '30s, I scoured hundreds upon hundreds of comics to find the most jaw-dropping examples of racial intolerance by Earth's mightiest heroes. This won't be like the day you first noticed they made the black Power Ranger black and the Asian one yellow -- these comics are legitimately fucked up.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

One more thing, Internet. You've proven many times that when you see something vaguely ethnic, you can't tell if it's racist or if the racism was inside you all along. It's such a complex and subjective issue that only a truly brilliant mind could create rules to define it. So it really is quite something that I've done exactly that. Here are the three ways to tell if a character is racist:

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
1. If you take away a character's race and nationality, are there any adjectives left to describe him or her?

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
2.Is the character, you know, screaming blatantly racist shit?

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
3. Is dey s-scared a' G-G-GHOSTESES?

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Now we know the rules, so let's get started:

#5. The Justice League

It's unusual for an elite group of whites to be racist, but the Justice League had some problems with it. For starters, even their space aliens were Aryan. When Hanna Barbera adapted them into a cartoon in the '70s, animators had to invent four ethnic members just so they wouldn't burn through their supply of "flesh" paint in the first season. If you're not familiar, the racial heroes added to the Super Friends were:

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

1. A Native American named Apache Chief who wasn't either of those things.

2. A Japanese guy named Samurai who wasn't that.

3. Black Vulcan, who actually was one of those.

4. A Mexican named El Dorado, which wasn't where he lived.

Apache, Samurai, Black, and El were conceived with the best of intentions-- making money off ethnic children, but they ended up being half-naked idiots acting out half-remembered cultural stereotypes. So I guess I'm only making the case that they are as bad as a Dane Cook set. Let's see if I can find instances of Justice League members being more objectively offensive.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Batman as a character gets redefined several times a generation. He's a tortured loner, a campy joke, a barking sadist, and you'll love him as a cranky 9-year-old this fall on Fox! However, the one trait he always has across all media and reboots is his refusal to take a human life. Well, that Batlaw does not apply to Chinamen. If you come from the Orient, Batman doesn't care about you until he needs a crash mat or a place to put a massive falling statue.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"Chinese criminals are a cowardly, super smashable lot."

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Bruce Wayne became a bat to strike fear into the hearts of Gotham criminals, but in China, bats are often considered good luck. So Batman may have decided to murder a few hundred of their people to clear up any confusion. And speaking of confusion, here's the kind of interaction Batman has with Native Americans:

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"HOLD ON A SECOND, CHIEF. WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT IS THIS? LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT US! HOW IS THIS THE PLOT TO ANYTHING!?"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Race throws a monkey wrench into all of Batman's defining characteristics. He won't take a human life, but never mind that if you're Chinese. He's a master of disguise, but if you're an Indian, he'll settle for covering his face in lipstick and borrowing your hat. And most notably, he's the world's greatest detective... unless you're black.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"CITIZEN, YOU'D BE SHOCKED AT HOW MUCH DETECTIVE WORK INVOLVES HITTING BLACK PEOPLE THEN FIGURING OUT WHAT THEY DID LATER!"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Aquaman wasn't as subtle as Batman was with his racism. If Aquaman saw someone from Japan, he screamed racial slurs at them in every dialect of fish.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
Though he knew some in English too.

Aquaman sometimes screamed racist shit for no real reason. He might have spent too much time speaking with animals on the far left of an evolutionary scale because here he is, by himself, shouting ethnically intolerant slurs at a lake:

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL AND SERENE SETTING, HOMO!"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

So yes, members of the Justice League were sort of awful, but Batman is supposed to be a loose cannon and if Aquaman didn't suck, he'd have nothing left to do. How about one of their most beloved and respected members? What about the very woman who came from Paradise Island as an ambassador of peace to all mankind? Surely Wonder Woman doesn't have a history of cultural insensitivity! Surely she was a bastion of purity her entire career! Surely no reader could possibly anticipate the next image being the complete opposite of this buildup!

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
Still, I bet you weren't expecting "COME ALONG LITTLE YELLOW DOGGIE."

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Wonder Woman fought in the Pacific theater against America's sneak-attacking, Rape-of-Nan-Kinging enemy, so her racism was pretty understandable. However, she always took it to a weird place. Wonder Woman didn't dismiss her Japanese enemies as inhuman trash-- she zeroed in on specific parts of their culture so she could better mock them while they died. For example, when she discovered the Japanese had a term called "save face," it opened a whole new arena of trash talk.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"I HEARD YOU DICKS ALSO LIKE ROBOTICS AND CONTEMPLATIVE ART. WELL, FUCK YOU FOR THAT."

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

There were people on the Justice League with racism that didn't even make sense. Green Lantern is a space policeman. Most of his coworkers and friends are jellyfish or cosmic squirrels, and yet he had no idea what to do when he met a real-life Earth Eskimo.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"P-please... please don't, Green Lantern."

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Yes, Hal Jordan had an Eskimo sidekick he called "PIEFACE." And that nickname fucking stuck. Thomas Kalmaku walked around for decades answering to PIEFACE. It was such a bizarrely offensive character that when Filmation created a Green Lantern cartoon in the '60s, they replaced him with a blue (probably) alien boy named Kai Ro. Hal wasn't as aggressively racist towards him, but their relationship was far from appropriate.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"Boss, maybe you can make me a little spaceship? I mean... isn't that your power? Aren't I literally the only sidekick who has ever lived who should never have to do this?"

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"YOU'RE RIGHT, BLACK MAN. I... I GUESS THE ONLY BLACK I EVER MET WAS A KETTLE. TELL YOU WHAT, HOW ABOUT IF I CALL YOU KETTLEFACE?"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Aside from some poorly handled run-ins with white guilt (above), the other members of the Justice League managed to get by without major racial incidents. Usually it involved writers trying for cute and missing wildly, like the time The Flash ran into a Japanese colleague...

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
DC COMIC SO SOLLY FOR DISHONORABLE CAPTION.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

So I've covered all the big ones, right? Batman, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Flash... the whole Justice League! I'm not forgetting anyone?

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
Oh yeah.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

You've probably seen that before. "SUPERMAN SAYS: YOU CAN SLAP A JAP" might be the most famous racist comic panel of all time. It's included in nearly every discussion of WWII propaganda and is found on Mel Gibson's computer in the folder "Tattoo Ideas." But to Superman's credit, he was probably trying to stop that printing press. Superman never talked like that. I mean, you don't call someone racist when he owns a coffin that can make his girlfriend black.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"I HAVE AN IDEA HOW YOU CAN LIVE THE FIRST 2 OR 3 OF THOSE HOURS, BROWN SUGAR."

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Superman handled most racial situations perfectly. He made it through WWII and Korea without calling anyone names and he didn't even ask to touch Black Lois' hair. If he had one cultural kryptonite, it was that he wasn't great with Indians.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

In a story called "Superman, Indian Chief!", Superman was called in to settle a property dispute in Metropolis. An evil mogul discovered, through distant Native American ancestry, that he owned all the city's land. He instantly began extorting the citizens of Metropolis and proudly bragged about it right to Superman's face. It was almost suicidally evil, and here's how Superman handled it:

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
Classic Superman.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Superman had any number of option-- everything from diplomacy to super hypnosis to super ventriloquism to punching the evil dick into the sun. He went with: running back in time to screw the Indians out of their land 300 years ago. He didn't even have to think about it. He was already jogging through the 1800s before the guy was done with his threat. Say what you want about Aquaman and Wonder Woman shrieking "Jap!" for the better part of a decade; Superman wove his racism into the very fabric of his universe's chronosphere.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"YEAH, KEEP THROWING STICKS! MAYBE I'LL GO BACK IN TIME AND TAKE AWAY YOUR ABILITY TO METABOLIZE ALCOHOL!"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

#4. The X-Men

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics

It's probably strange to accuse the X-Men of racism since mutants are sort of an allegory for civil rights. But should they be? They exist in a world with actual races, gays, and bigotry-- it's possible laser eyes and adamantium are an extra layer of abstraction the reader doesn't need. You know, what? It doesn't matter. Whether their intentions were good or not, the X-Men writers declared themselves the voice of minority rights, and they didn't handle it well.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
--RECORD SCRAAAAAATCH--

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

There's a special time in each white person's life when they make their first black friend. This white person always suspected they were one of the good ones, but now they have confirmation-- a real relationship. They feel like they are special enough to be trusted with the n-word by the n's themselves. It's liberating! There's a real social change happening and they're leading it! Then, armed with their new n-word pass, they sit down to write a comic book where Kitty Pryde delivers a speech at a funeral:

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"Before he died, Larry bet me I couldn't chain together six offensive slurs in his eulogy. Well, suck it, Larry. You lose again."

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Like the Justice League, most of the X-Men's cultural diversity came in one explosion of poorly thought out ethnic characters. For example, James Proudstar. He's a Native American with the power of being pretty tough and tracking. Almost as if a racist thought, "What super powers would be handy if you had to, like, be an Indian all day?" And sure enough, when we meet him, he's having a wrestling match with a buffalo. A wrestling match with a buffalo.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"WHAT'D WE DECIDE ON FOR MY CODENAME? TEEPEE MASTER? CASINO RAINDANCE? WAIT, DID YOU SAY THUNDERBIRD? WARPATH? I-- OKAY, THOSE ARE ACTUALLY PRETTY SWEET."

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

So James Proudstar is an Indian who does Indian stuff, only super hard. Describing that character without mentioning his Native American heritage is like trying to maintain a student-teacher relationship with Helen Keller while you teach her the word for lapdance. It's a weird combination of impossible and inappropriate.

I'd say Warpath's lack of depth indicates dullness more than racism, but he's not an isolated incident. Let's talk about Jubilee.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"SOMEONE IS TALKING ABOUT ME? THIS CAN'T BE GOOD!"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Not only did they make the Chinese mutant the worst one, when they sat down to think up her abilities, they came up with "make fireworks." That's not a super power. That's more like the actual occupation of millions of Chinese kids. It's not as bad as giving her laundry powers or the ability to squirt oyster sauce, but it's still one of answers on a racist Family Feud board, "Things Chinese People Do."

Knowing what you now know, take a moment to guess how they dealt with the Irish X-Man. Why, you're exactly right: Banshee grew up in a castle filled with leprechauns and has trouble with alcohol. That's real. And so is this: the greatest 12 seconds of cartoon ever:

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


"YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!"

Ethnic mutants all seem to have been created by someone thinking about a race of people then giving them a power based on the first thing that pops into their head. Did Stan Lee institute some kind of five second time limit on creating each X-Man? I mean, what if someone decided to make a Japanese mutant after too many WWII documentaries and created a superhero just covered in atomic fi-- oh. Oh, no.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
Oh, shit.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

#3. The Justice Society of America

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics

The Justice Society was the very first superhero team, and they have the antiquated views on race to prove it. Their gargantuan roster was made up of Dr. Fate, The Spectre, Starman, Sandman, Hawkman, Johnny Thunderbolt, and The Atom! With all those heroic crime fighters on one team, wouldn't it be something if one brave comedy writer could find a panel of every single one of them screaming offensive things?

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
Dr. Fate liked to put different types of racisms together to see if they would make a baby.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
The Spectre is the all-powerful manifestation of God's vengeance. Good luck, yellow punks!

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
Look! Up in the sky! It's a parrot, it's an Elton John! OWW!! It's a dick!

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
Between Justice Society adventures there would often be Biff Bronson gags. Let the record show that THIS --wearing blackface and screaming mammy-- is the beginning, middle, and end of an entire Biff Bronson joke.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
The Sandman says, "Real heroes always find time for intolerance, kids!"

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
When an artist draws Asian features this perfectly, no one notices Hawkman's wings are a gelatinous bag of nonsensical scribbles.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"TELL THEM JOHNNY THUNDER DIED FIGHTING SIAMESE TWINS, SCREAMING RACIAL SLURS AT AN ELECTRIC GENIE!"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

If you've been keeping track with your Justice Society Unfortunate Quotes Checklist, there's only one member left to go-- The Atom. In the '40s, his only powers were shortness and punching, yet his tiny body held enough pressurized intolerance to capsize a hundred gay cruises. He wasn't clumsy with it, though. Like Wonder Woman, he studied Japanese culture in order to refine and enhance his racism:

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"YOU LIKE RAMEN NOODLES? HOW ABOUT YOU GET TO RAMMIN' NOODLES! AND... AND... SHIT. I ALMOST HAD ONE FOR TENTACLE SEX. OH, I GOT IT! YOU LOVE TENTACLE SEX? HOW ABOUT YOU... OH. OH, YOU GUYS ARE DEAD."

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"WITH A STRATEGIC SQUINT AND SOME YELLOW PAINT... HOLD ON, THIS MIGHT BE FUCKING CRAZY."

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"THAT ASSHOLE DIDN'T EVEN THANK ME FOR AMERICA'S SPACIOUS INTERNMENT CAMPS!"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

#2. The Young Allies

The Young Allies were a team of children led by Bucky and Toro, the sidekicks of Captain America and the Human Torch. This technically made the rest of the team sidekicks of sidekicks, so if you can picture four children designed to make Jar Jar Binks or Snarf look competent, you've got it. They were four children with no powers, talents, or abilities: Knuckles the wildcard, Geoffrey the nerd, a fat kid named Tubby, and a chemical spill of offensive black stereotypes called Whitewash Jones.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
He was bitten by a radioactive Jerry Bruckheimer supporting character.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
His face was mostly hemorrhoid pillow.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
Whitewash Jones panels are hard to look at, but I take a weird satisfaction in knowing racists can't draw fish.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

It's important to judge Young Allies as a work of comedy. For example, sometimes Tubby's fatness and Whitewash's buffoonery would come together to create outrageous comical situations:

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"OWOO, LAWDY! WE IS BUMBLIN'!"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

And wait until you see the antics of Toro and Knuckles!

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
Hmmm... maybe the old "CHASE THE YAP" gag doesn't hold up.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
Hold on, I don't think this one is supposed to be funny. This may only be a hate crime.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Young Allies had the comic sensibilities of Gallagher finding a colon tumor. Racist and stupidly wacky, but haunted by the tragic frailty of human life. That's because the Young Allies were constantly surrounded by death, and they themselves killed almost indiscriminately. They were unimaginable assholes who seemed to always have access to flame throwers, high explosives, and some squealing Japanese caricature to use them on.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
It's hard for a joke to land right after a child calls for the ritual suicide of an entire people.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"PALS! I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS JAPAN!"
"LOOKS RIGHT TO ME! WHAT SAY WE BOMB 'EM, CHUMS?"
"KEEN! LET THE FAT OF THEIR DEVIL BABIES CRACKLE IN OUR RIGHTEOUS FLAMES!"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

The book quickly became a dumping grounds for bad propaganda. If a writer at Timely Comics wanted to channel his impotent Pearl Harbor rage into a story, they pointed him at Young Allies and gave him a pencil. Some of them are such pathetic wish-fulfillment nonsense you'll start rooting for Hirohito.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"AND I'M A POOPY HEAD! AND PEOPLE WHO STAYED BEHIND DURING THE WAR TO WRITE COMICS ARE COOL! AND HEATHER WAS AN IDIOT FOR NOT GOING TO THE PROM WITH THEM!"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

It's hard for a comic to get more racist than having the spiritual ruler of Japan turning to the reader and announcing, "ALL MY PEOPLE ARE A LOT OF YELLOW, UNDERHANDED RATS!" Well, it does. Black Talon was the Young Allies' deadliest foe, and his super power makes Whitewash Jones look like an NAACP Spirit Award winner... Black Talon was a white guy who had a black man's hand.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"TELL ME, HERR BLACK TALON, DOES ZE CARPET MATCH ZE WASH CLOTHS?"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

So a black murderer donated his hand, complete with traditional African claws, to science. Then, once it was attached to the recipient, its African corpuscles infected the entire body with evil while leaving it with the strength and cunning of nearly one white man. That's not how you write a super villain origin. That's how a writer comes out to his Ku Klux Klan family as retarded.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

#1. The Marvel Family

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Most people call Captain Marvel "Shazam" because that's the magic word he screams to transform from young Billy Batson to a superhero. Aside from having a little boy inside him, he was basically Superman, or at least close enough that Superman sued him and won. Oh, yeah, there was one other trait that set him apart from Superman: Captain Marvel owned a slave.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
You may be shocked to learn this slave was scared of ghosts.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Steamboat was Billy Batson's "valet," a combination secretary, cook, janitor, pilot, and slave. He was drawn so racistly that if you were unfamiliar with '40s stereotypes, you'd have no idea he was supposed to be human. He looked like a baboon crawling backwards out of a pile of laundry. If the world's greatest artist a card that said "MAKE THE ROOM UNCOMFORTABLE" in Pictionary, Steamboat is what he or she would draw.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"UHH, HI, CAP'N MAHVEL. IT SHO' SOUND LIKE MY BOSS MISTHA BILLY DONE EXPLODED OUT 'DER. YOU SEE 'BOUT A MILLION LITTLE BOY PAHTS ON YO' WAY IN?"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

So a little boy owned a slave in 1940 and he was some kind of unfrozen Peking Man. Here's the bizarre part: Steamboat didn't know Billy Batson was Captain Marvel. The two were together 24 hours a day and Billy's transformation process involved screaming, lightning, and exploding. Wouldn't Steamboat start to figure things out by the second time a thunderstorm hit the office and replaced his boss with a superhero? The fact that he didn't put it together might be the most insulting thing about the Steamboat character.

Billy didn't even bother hiding it most times-- he turned into Captain Marvel right next to Steamboat all god damn day.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"I GUESS MISTAH BILLY MUST BE DEADIFIED! OH, HI, MISTAH CAPTAIN!"

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
He's looking right at him! RIGHT MOTHERFUCKING AT HIM!

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"STEAMBOAT'S SIMPLE MIND WILL BE TOO BUSY HANDING ME THIS PIECE OF PAPER TO NOTICE MY TRANSFORMATION. SHAZAM!"

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"IT'S STARTIN' TO GET INSULTIFYIN' 'DAT YOU ASSUMES I DON'T KNOW WHA'S OCCURIN' HEREABOUTS!"

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"WAIT. CAPTAIN MARVEL, IS YOU MOCKIN' MAH DISABLED LEARNABILITIES?"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

There's probably a part of you still thinking this could be some kind of misunderstanding... maybe Steamboat was some kind of magical talking muppet or a uniquely disabled child bound to Captain Marvel by a 5th dimensional imp? I thought the same thing... until I finally found an issue where Steamboat encountered other black people. Fuuuuuuck:

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
Is it offensive for a race of people to be drawn with life rafts for mouths? I can't even tell anymore.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

This was obviously a comic for ignorant, terrible children, but there were enough of those to make it a hit. Captain Marvel was so popular they made spinoffs faster than the writers could think up good spinoffs. For instance, they created a Captain Marvel Jr, a slightly younger version with such an exceptional racism he could spot the Japanese on you through a hazmat suit.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
Hmmm... now, what would a Japanese soldier say to a teen superhero... I've got it! "YOU WILL ALL DIE HERE, PLEASE!"

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"THAT GIVES ME AN IDEA! PORPOISE-FLAVORED UNDERPANTS!"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Soon there was a cartoon bunny Captain Marvel, hillbilly Captain Marvels, and my personal favorite: Uncle Marvel. Uncle Marvel didn't have magical powers like the others; he was just a fat man who decided he was Mary Marvel's uncle. When I discovered he wasn't related to her in any way, I may have lost my mind because my notes say "NOT REAL FUCKING UNCLE!? The combined IQ of the Marvel Family is measured in jam." I genuinely have no idea what it means.

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"MY I.Q. IS BLUEBERRY!"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Mary Marvel is the saint of the family. She may officially be the 2nd dumbest superhero of all time, but I never managed to find a single panel of her shouting a racial slur. Let's congratulate her:

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"HIII! MY I.Q.S ARE HAAAAAM!"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Looking back on these comics can help us all learn the humiliating consequences of ignorance. Mocking another race for having hemorrhoid pillows for mouths or canary yellow skin is wrong. We need to find ways to relate to our fellow man-- to try to understand them. Why, here's young Billy Batson doing so now!

5 Shockingly Racist Scenes in Famous Superhero Comics
"OKAY, MISTAH BILLY, YOU BEST KNOCK IT DA FUCK OFF."

Seanbaby is a vibrant humorist and video game designer. Geniuses play his critically acclaimed game, Calculords, on their mobile devices. You can follow him on Twitter.

For more of his comic analysis, see 5 Batman Villains Too Lame to Survive a Single Issue or enjoy Man Comics Volume Punch, Issue Dick.

To turn on reply notifications, click here

982 Comments

Load Comments

More Blogs

5 Sex Scandals From Hollywood's Golden Age

Sex scandals were rampant in the supposed Golden Age ... they were just easier to cover up.

75

5 Wasteful Things Employers Do (Instead Of Paying Us More)

Forget 'morale-boosters,' we'd rather have the money.

160

4 Stories Of Ridiculously Evil Rich People From The Past

These stories remind us what unlimited wealth and power can do to a human being.

79

5 Trends For Women People Get Irrationally Angry About

Trends among women trigger a level of contempt that's way beyond what is deserved.

257

How A Surgeon Once Killed Three People In One Operation

Buckle up. This article is gonna be wild.

57