The first thing you'll notice about our host, cop/pastor Gordon L. Coulter -- a dude who has almost certainly written an unpublished manuscript called PastorCop: One Man's Holy Battle Against Satanic Crime -- is that he has armored himself for the fight against the Devil with a variety of comfy sweaters. It makes sense; if there's one thing we know about Satan, it's that he prefers the evil done in his name to happen on chilly days. Is that a cold wind you feel, or is it the icy breath of Lucifer himself? Neither, if you're wearing a sweater that has been prayed over by the forces of Christian Law. Please note that drinking hot cocoa made from Holy Water is optional but encouraged.
"Satan hates those little marshmallows."
If your Anti-Devil sweater proves to be too bulky for the action-packed world of cult-fighting, more advanced God Warriors can upgrade to a windbreaker that has a collar that looks like the opening credits of In Living Color.
"Mustaches are also helpful in trapping Satan's words from ever escaping your lips."