5 Romantic Comedy Gestures That Would Get You Slapped

Who wants to get messy? That's just crazy. But for some reason, guys think it's cute to put flour or paint on your nose while doing a project together.

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If white powder on your nose is all it takes to get your heart all aflutter, odds are he's tricked you into doing cocaine.

In the confusing and kind of porny (or is that just me?) romantic comedy Never Been Kissed, the student-teacher relationship reaches a new realm of "Well, this is kind of OK since she's 25, not 16, but also he thinks she's 16 and is definitely flirting with her and also why am I so turned on?"

For some reason, he playfully splatters paint on her face while they're painting a sunset, and she enjoyed it, probably because obviously anything any attractive dude does to you is charming and not weird. (This is how one time I allowed Joel McHale to grab my wrist to read my tattoo without getting angry. Plus I was at work.)

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"If finding true love means accidentally blinding a few innocents along the way, so be it."

No one actually wants paint or flour on her face, and as far as technique goes, it's only slightly above "peeing on a thing to claim it as my own" on the spectrum of flirtation methods.

And she says, "Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not dressed for swimming right now and- No, shut up, listen to me. I am an adult woman. What if I'd had my cellphone in my pocket? And you did this, what, to impress me? To make me like you? You've drastically changed my whole day, now. I need to change, I need to do something with this expensive dress. I'm freezing. You are a complete child."

Just kidding, they fall in love.

So then he's walking around this graduation party with a love letter he wrote for someone who has been dating jock asshole Mike Dexter (not to be confused with Astronaut Mike Dexter from 30 Rock) for four years and, again, SOMEONE HE HAS NEVER SPOKEN TO.

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"Why is this sticking to my hand?"

But don't worry, she finds it all very charming. Because there's nothing I want more than some dude who is obsessed with me and has built me up in his mind as a minor deity and the answer to all his problems. (This is like 5th grade when Joey told Marcus to tell my best friend to tell me he had a doll he used to pretend was me and make his G.I. Joe kiss.)

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I cut her off before she repeated anything involving a Kung-Fu Grip.

This is basically a requirement of any romantic comedy: The Grand Gesture of Love. It can be anything from running to stop someone at an airport, to some sort of public performance or display of affection to, yes, holding a boombox over your head.

Lloyd Dobler should be slapped or arrested. I'm sorry. I love him too and was charmed by him, but dude is a stalker and goes too far. Does the mere mention of "In Your Eyes" make me cry because of Lloyd? Of course! I'm not a robot! But if I'm actually Diane Court, I'm terrified. I'm running away. I'm mad at you for playing Peter Gabriel at full volume and standing silently in my lawn in a trenchcoat!

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"Hey. Heeeey. This is the song we had sex to. Remember? In my car. Heeeeeey. Can I come upstairs?"

In 10 Things I Hate About You, to get Julia Stiles, Heath Ledger sings "Can't Take My Eyes Off of You," orchestrated with the marching band, to woo her. Because nothing says "intimacy" like a bunch of 16-year-old clarinet players watching and judging you with their cold, clarinet-loving eyes.

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He was originally supposed to serenade her with "Back That Azz Up," but they couldn't afford the rights.