Stealing Exotic Animals For Their Girlfriends
If you're a man and your keen observation skills have told you that women love animals, what's the next logical step? Buy your girl a puppy? Take her to the zoo? You fool! You sneak in and steal a specimen from that zoo! Jeez, it's so obvious!
Sure, some guys think small. Like the dude who stole a puppy from a pet store as a gift to his girlfriend, and was charged with felony grand theft for it, because it turned out the puppy was worth 900 goddamned dollars. (Does it talk or something?) But others know to set their sights higher.
Like the 58-year-old dentist in Wisconsin who worked at a petting zoo and stole a pair of lynxes for his girlfriend on the Fourth of July. Because who wouldn't want two 60-pound cats capable of killing deer prowling around their home?
Back in 2000, some teenagers pulled off a koala heist at the San Francisco Zoo in an effort to impress their girlfriends. They nabbed a mother and daughter koala as Christmas presents, then spent the evening trying to feed them oranges and carrots. Which means that not only did they steal koalas, but they also didn't even know the #1 fact about koalas.