Vengeance is exhausting: all the plotting and manipulating, the setting of cogs in motion and disposal of witnesses -- did you know that pure, unbridled hatred burns more calories per hour than a light run? Even when you're just sitting there, doing nothing but fuming over past injustices, that's the caloric equivalent of jogging. All the time. You need energy, but drugs cloud the mind, and caffeine is lacking in that visceral appeal, somehow. You never see Dr. Doom downing a Red Bull to get the pep he needs to hurl Reed Richards into a pit of robotic Doom-spiders. But I think I have the answer for your furious energy needs: Perky Jerky!
Don't let the name throw you. There's nothing "perky" about this product. This is dried, withered meat -- much like your angry, dead heart -- infused with chemicals that give you unnatural energy -- much like the fury that drives your every waking moment. Feeling sleepy? Don't brew a cup of coffee, like a chump: Tear into the flesh of another living thing and start your villainous morning right. Since Perky Jerky, like revenge, is best bought in bulk, you probably want to skip the bags and go right for the Jerkman Suit.
Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of those who've wronged you like draping yourself in armor forged from desecrated animal corpses, and unlike the Singing-Bird Pistols, the Jerkman Suit will only run you $350. Practical, budget-friendly, and blasphemous: It's a great investment for the first-time justice seeker and the seasoned spirit of vengeance alike.