After one particularly vicious assault, something suddenly snapped. I realized that no one was going to protect me and stop them. And most importantly, I was going to be wrong no matter what I did. It was my defining "f**k this bullshit" moment, and my body turned green and muscly. I think I might have thrown a car after that. The whole memory is kind of fuzzy.
Anyway, I went after what they valued most, like Vigilante Britney Spears. I didn't steal anything. I just took the door of their secret smoke shack off its hinges and left, leaving the place wide open for anyone else to come by and raid. But not before making my fatal mistake: I left a handwritten rhyming note behind, confessing my crime. Because if I'm going to turn into a supervillain, I might as well go whole hog.
My badass bullies went crying to their parents. Who then called my parents. Who punished me within an inch of my life.
See, little boys get told that if somebody takes your truck you take it right back, and if a bully punches you, you spin kick their face off. Little girls are told to just ignore rude grabby kids, or that if things get really bad, a bigger boy will appear and protect them ... which is what psychologists call "stupid as f**k." Can you imagine being told your whole childhood you've got the wrong genitals to handle conflict? Half of this readership can.
That's why your college girlfriend slept with your best friend instead of breaking up with you like a goddamn adult. Because after being told her whole life that she couldn't be trusted to handle conflict, she couldn't be straight up honest or stand up to you. So she screwed a guy into handling the breakup for her. That, or she's a literal demon. When you're dealing with s**t, instead of hearing, "I've got your back," you hear "Nice girls don't fight. Wait for someone to save you!" You're either going to go look for a bigger a*****e to sort your problem, or you're going to go vigilante.