We know from the comments section that you're eager to be part of the conversation, and that's great, because Cracked fans are funny, and we fear our continuous talking will lead to early-onset jaw arthritis. If we missed an interesting angle that you think we should discuss, well then you can bring it up and we'll discuss the balls off of it. If you are a rocket scientist, as you might profess to be in the comments, you can tell Jack he made a mistake. To his face! This is your moment! Don't blow it by screaming BOOBS in all caps. It doesn't record well on audio.
For those of you who don't know, UCB is a historic theater in Hollywood, Los Angeles. Comedy legends like Amy Poehler and Aziz Ansari have performed there, so it's a great honor for us to take the stage as well. Maybe you'll see a famous celebrity flee the theater amidst a cloud of paparazzi? Maybe you'll see us walking past the people we paid to photograph us like we're a big deal. One thing we can promise you is a cheap valet, making it the easiest place to park in Hollywood.
If you don't live in the L.A. area, then hop on a plane/bus/giant marauding band of flamethrower cars and make a day out of it. If you do live in the area, we usually go get drinks after the show, and we could use a designated driver!
Like a mohel prepping for a circumcision, you get to see what happens before stuff hits the cutting room floor. Bloopers, gaffes, extra content that later gets removed (that's our last foreskin reference, we promise); a live show lets you experience everything right as it unfolds. (Dammit.)
Our point is, you get to be privy to all the little secrets you wouldn't get from just listening to the podcast. Are we reading from notes, or do we blurt everything out as it comes? Does Jack wear clothes while recording? Is Michael a real person or a stuffed body with a tape recorder playing select sound bites from Sesame Street? You'll only find out if you're there live.
You Will Survive The Post-Apocalypse
It's worth repeating: We promise to get you through the apocalypse with the power of our wisdom. All you have to do is come hang out at a nice comedy theater on Wednesday. Even if you already possess every post-apocalypse survival trait Seanbaby recommends cultivating, you can never be too ready for battling roving murder-gangs.
Like You Have Anything Better To Do On A Wednesday Night
Seriously, it's a Wednesday night at 7 p.m. There isn't even good TV on then. Step out of the house (or bunker, in which case this podcast is very much for you), and get yourself a little goddamn culture for once in your life.
Hell, take a date. Take two dates. Buy out the theater. Grab hold of that big swinging dick you've got (or big swinging vagina), slap it on the table, and say, "I'd like to buy UCB and all of its properties, please," and then fortify it into your own Immortan Joe-style super lair.
Or just buy a ticket for 5 bucks and we'll see you there Wednesday.