Why the hell should we ever trust or even watch a movie's trailer when the people closest to the production think it's a load of garbage? This is the consequence of the years-in-advance, conveyor-belt approach to marketing these films. The pressure to deliver a commercial product in a short amount of time isn't always conducive to the director's process, and so once in a while these artists are going to rebel against their own work, like Fantastic Four's Josh Trank tweeting that the studio ruined his film. And thanks to the accessibility of the internet, such freak-outs can be dissected and judged by critics and fans alike. Thank God for all that transparency, right? I mean, what could be the downside of-
We Know Way Too Much About How A Movie Is Made Before It Comes Out
OK, confession time: I totally get off on correctly predicting when a movie will be terrible. It gives me a smug rush, like when I break wind on my co-worker's keyboard and watch him ignorantly type my little fart words.
I'm also a firm believer that the current major studio system is fundamentally broken by bloated production budgets and an obsession with unoriginality. And so because of that belief, I like to seek out any news that supports my opinion. And I do ... all the time ... but only because movies are always running into problems.
The Daily Mail
"We honestly have no idea what's going on, but we didn't want to waste
the chance for a 'disturbance in the force' headline."
In the first three days after Rogue One announced reshoots, the media went from the sirens of doom, to admitting ignorance, to realizing that nothing bad had really happened. But for angry people like me, the news that newbie director Gareth Edwards had fucked the Wookiee was delicious.
It proved to me that the guy behind a single so-so indie film and a Godzilla movie with zero characters to give a crap about should've never been given a piece of the biggest franchise of all time. And so the narrative being reported was the perfect microcosm of a larger problem I already believed was happening.
And so here I am, convinced the new Star Wars will be a soiled abomination ... based on my own bias and a single rumor.
And while I like to think my own mad ravings are harmless, higher-profile problems like the aforementioned Josh Trank tweet actually cost the studio ticket sales. So suddenly it's a mad tug-o-war between the intense marketing campaigns and the overly hyperbolic headlines pushing in the other direction.
In the movie news world, "updated" is synonymous with "everything in this headline is bullshit."
And the kicker is that anyone could be right. After all, for all the money it made, Batman V Superman is actually a studio-shaking disappointment according to the internet news I just told you not to always trust ... but which does make sense if you believe that marketing budgets are so high that the film actually broke even with $800 million in box office earnings.
Because movies are way too expensive to market, fans are obsessed maniacs, and internet news is a biased lie, therefore everything I'm saying is a lie. Even me saying that I'm lying could be a lie. For all you know, I don't even exist and the world is a hollow farce perpetually buckling in on itself with every passing microsecond. Time is but the illusion of order in an otherwise random swirl of meaningless consciousness, all because you wanted to know if the next Star Wars was any good. Your curiosity has doomed us all.
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Zoroastrianism used to be one of the biggest religions in the world, but their idea of heaven had a slight twist on it: to get there you'd have to cross a bridge. Sometimes rickety, sometimes wide and sturdy, if you fell off you'd go to the House of Lies for eternity. Fun! Not terrifying at all! This month, Jack, Dan, and Michael along with comedians Casey Jane Ellison and Ramin Nazer as they discuss their favorite afterlife scenarios from movies, sci-fi and lesser-known religions. Get your tickets here and we'll see you on the other side of the bridge!
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