5 Reasons You're Going To Hate "Hancock"

When I told some of my Cracked cohorts that this week's HBN was going to be about Will Smith, I was met with much shock and alarm: "I LOVE Will Smith," DOB proclaimed, while attempting to spray a six pack tan line onto his abdomen. Mikey Swaim agreed. "Will Smith makes me forget I hate all Black people," he said. Chris Buckholz had a slightly different take: "Dammit, Gladstone! Who the hell gave you my phone number?" I'll be the first to admit that Will Smith is not particularly hateable. But HBN is a harsh mistress. Each day I try to fill this world with a little more love and compassion, but HBN is there, staring at me with it's bullwhip, full body leather, and 6 inch fetish heels, demanding that I spew venom online. And me ---tied up and fitted with gag ball--- just can't refuse. Actually, that doesn't work at all. "Harsh mistress" is not a very good metaphor. HBN is more like a drunken, cocktail waitress offering quick gratification with a minimum of effort. Yeah, that's better. So sorry, Will. I didn't have to do it, but this interview of yours is the equivalent of Mandy at the
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Hi Lite bar writing her phone number on the back of the check. Watch it after the jump.

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