Everybody knows robots can't love. It is their greatest failing as human analogues, their most profound tragedy as thinking entities and possibly their ultimate undoing (depending on whether or not they're facing the Care Bears that day). But science doesn't like to be told what they can, can't or just plain shouldn't do, so they're giving it a shot anyway: Here are five robots intended to either feel human emotions, inspire human emotions, or through their actions otherwise care for us in our hours of need. Notice I say that's what they're âintended for.â All they actually do is murder the part of your mind responsible for registering danger, so that you will never feel safe again.
"YES. MORE JUICE. OBEY THE SADISTIC WHIMS OF YOTARO."
"I've got it! What if we combined all the lovableness of clowns, with the unblinking stare of a shark?"Also, he's meant to be used by old people. That's right: At last there's a robot for the demographic that's afraid of remote controls and simply âdoesn't trust the lookâ of the TiVo. And to help further set their minds at ease, they built it to look like the mascot from
"Soon. Soooon..."The iCub is (and keep in mind that, though the emphasis is mine, the following words are all from the inventors themselves) designed to be "capable of locomotion, interaction and language learning, track objects visually
Look at that thing: Even it knows that it should not be.I will give you all a moment to digest what you've just seen, possibly scream for a bit, send your children to the neighbor's house, pour yourself three fingers of scotch, purchase a firearm and periodically place it in your mouth while sobbing uncontrollably, desperately searching for the strength within yourself to pull the trigger. All done? Then let's continue: Ishiguro says he built the Repliee R-1 to âstudy human behavior in reacting to robots,â and to see what happens when âpeople meet the uncanny valley.â So in other words, he built it to be disturbing as hell on purpose, and wants little more than to see what you'd look like all curled up in the fetal position, and covered in urine. Now, I could throw my stupid words at you for hours in an attempt to truly convey the Sistine Chapel of Horribleness that Professor Ishiguro has wrought here, but really, you should just look at some photos from the press release:
The main benefit of watching TV is seeing the plight of sad bastards who aren't you.
Most people have a pretty basic idea of what it's like to be a parent.
There are gaps in the fictional universe that multiply from one film to the next.
There's no shortage of downright absurd conspiracy theories out there.
Given everything we know, there's cause to be worried about these movies.