The outfit wasn't helping his case.
The camp has now been shut down while he awaits trial. To the guys on the waiting list who lost their deposit: Maybe you should learn to make your own fucking dinner.
This is how you live out what could have been, man. If only your high school band had never broken up. If only you'd dropped out of college to concentrate on your music. If only dad bands weren't totally depressing.
At Rock 'N' Roll Fantasy Camp you can go through the entire process of becoming a star over the course of a few days. If you can't play an instrument for shit, someone will try to teach you. If you have some talent, you can help write and record a song. Then you can compete in a Battle Of The Bands. If you are really lucky, you might even get to perform onstage with actual, past-their-prime rock stars like Roger Daltrey, Paul Stanley, Todd Rundgren, Robby Krieger, or Ace Frehley. But don't get your hopes up too high; the fine print reminds you that they can't guarantee it since "this isn't 'Rent a Rock Star.'"
Olaru Radian-alexandru/Hemera/Getty Images
The inevitable drug addiction is also not included.
How much of all of this you get to experience depends on the package you buy. And Rock Camp knows how to hit sad, wannabe musicians where it hurts. For $8,999, you can enjoy everything they have to offer as part of the Headliner Recording Package. For just $4,999, you can live out your dreams as a songwriter or vocalist in their respective packages. But if you aren't willing to shell out thousands to be a cool kid, the camp puts you in your place with their $799 Groupie Package. That's right: You are not even good enough to be a bassist.
Couldn't they at least have gone with roadie?
Do they not exist in this fake rock universe?
And if you want your depressing attempts at living out your dreams recorded for all eternity, just add $499 for the Paparazzi Style photography package. Then you can go home and complain about how some cameraman would just not get out of your face. It will be the most realistic celebrity thing you did all week.
Kathy wrote a very funny book called FUNERALS TO DIE FOR, and you can buy it here. Or follow her on Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter.
So you've paid to become James Bond and there is still a nerd hole in your heart. Now what? Well you can take on the zombie apocalypse in 5 Geek Fantasies You Won't Believe You Can Buy. Still don't feel badass enough? Become a parent-child spy team when you send your kids to spy summer camp in 6 Insane Summer Camps That Will Make You Wish You Were A Kid. When did life become a young adult novel?
Subscribe to our YouTube channel to see us tear your nerd idols to shreds in Five Reasons James Bond May Be The Best Spy Ever, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!
Also follow us on Facebook, because we think it will make our ex jealous.