Anyway, the American Academy of Pediatrics has my back on this, because they don't recommend this pet for anyone under 5 or anyone who might be pregnant, and I'm about 98 percent sure that I'm neither of those things. As they say, "Young children lack fine motor control and may inadvertently drop a mouse, squeeze him, or scare him into biting." Hey, you've had a rough year -- go ahead and congratulate yourself for having better motor control than a 5-year-old by buying yourself a mouse.
As far as supplies, the Humane Society recommends a budget of about $100 for startup costs for things like bedding, a wheel, toys, and treats. For sad adults, I also recommend the following add-ons to make your mouse-owning experience more enjoyable:
-so much crying
Despite all my rage, I am still just a depressed mouse.
You might feel right at home with a couple of Mickeys and Minnies if you have some sort of undiagnosed anxiety disorder. In the lab environment, these little guys spend their lives trying to solve pointless, contrived problems, all the while getting electrocuted, starved, poisoned, and only rarely dosed with cocaine. They're lost, a slave to addictions, easily manipulated, and live their whole lives being poked by people who don't really care about them. Their pale body and unsettling eyes keep any potential sympathizers at bay. They are blank, faceless, interchangeable, and excessively recessive; they exist only to be tested by powers beyond their control, to be eaten by stronger things, a function of and a surrogate for the universe's cruelty.
Also, they bite.
Deep inside us all -- behind our political leanings, our moral codes, and our private biases -- there is a cause so colossally stupid that we surprise ourselves with how much we care. Whether it's toilet paper position, fedoras on men, or Oxford commas, we each harbor a preference so powerful we can't help but proselytize to the world. In this episode of the Cracked podcast, guest host Soren Bowie is joined by Cody Johnston, Michael Swaim, and comedian Annie Lederman to discuss the most trivial things we will argue about until the day we die. Get your tickets here!
See why dressing up your pet is super annoying in 6 Stupid Things Pet Owners Need To Stop Doing Now, and definitely don't dye your pets' fur. Find out why in 7 Insane Things People Did To Make Their Pets Look Insane.
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