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The Puppy With the Worst Toilet Experience In the World

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Dogs and toilets generally live in a state of a happy, drinks-based symbiosis. However, it's safe to assume that one particular British cocker spaniel called Dyno regards said relationship with a rather more grudging eye than your average pup. This is because he has seen what lies beyond, man. He knows what that evil porcelain seat is hiding.

Dyno's carefree puppy days came to an end -- figuratively and almost literally -- in 2009, when his owner's four-year-old son noticed that he was getting a bit muddy. Since the dog was clearly in need of a bath, the kid decided to give him one in the nearest water source available to him. So he carried the puppy to the bathroom and placed him in the toilet bowl.

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Smoky the Chihuahua Survives a Fork In the Skull

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A Cat Loses Its Actual Fucking Face, Doesn't Give a Damn

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Cats, perhaps more than any other animal, rely heavily on their cuteness to cover the fact that they're tiny, devious murder machines that only occasionally recognize mankind's apparent authority over them, let alone abide by it. That's why there are few pets more screwed than a cat that loses its charms.

Or so you'd think! Turns out that cats could look like poop-encrusted Gremlins and still rule humanity. Consider the example of the cat who would become known as Chase No Face, a curious name that stuck because this particular cat literally has no freaking face. WARNING: Clicking that link leads to pictures of a cat with no face. Because it's an article about a cat with no face.

Chase got a bad fucking start in life when she was hit by a car as a kitten. In one fell swoop, she lost enough body parts to power half a dozen supervillain origin stories: a leg, a nose, both eyelids, and a bunch of skin on her cheeks. Seeing as she now resembled a rejected-as-too-scary concept design from Stephen King's Sleepwalkers, the doctors were understandably skeptical about her chances in life. If you absolutely have to see a cat without a face, feel free to click on the following image:

Here's where the good part begins: Chase No Face didn't give a good goddamn about what the doctors thought. She was adopted by a vet technician who had helped treat her, and it soon became apparent that she hadn't lost one inch of her will to live and general cat attitude (cattitude). Despite her unconventional appearance, she's in no pain; Chase gets along on three legs just fine, and the face is actually just healed tissue instead of the raw bundle of nerves it looks like. The only daily repercussion of her accident is the lack of eyelids, but even that is a matter of administering some eye drops every now and then.

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A Wounded Stray Dog Survives the Amazon Jungle ... Then Completes One of the World's Hardest Races

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In 2014, a Swedish extreme adventure team was taking part in a ridiculously difficult 430-mile race along the Amazon when they came upon a dog. Actually, it was the dog that came upon them. The men were enjoying their meal in the jungles of Ecuador when a muddy, bleeding stray mutt they would come to call Arthur suddenly appeared from the depths of the rainforest. The team didn't know where it came from or how it had survived in the hostile environment -- all they knew was that it was there, and seemed hungry. So they offered the dog a Swedish meatball, because sometimes cliches are cliches for a reason. In exchange, Arthur, presumably delighted to meet creatures who weren't actively trying to eat and/or maul him, offered them his unconditional love.

And I mean unconditional.

When the team packed their bags and resumed the race, Arthur followed them. Throughout the entire race.

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It was a grueling affair even for supremely conditioned athletes, let alone a wounded, malnourished dog. Yet no matter where the route took the team, Arthur followed. When they were struggling through mud, so was the dog. When a teammate was injured and required medical attention, Arthur stood vigil with him as they waited for the medics. The team tried to send him away multiple times, fearing for his safety as the route was getting more difficult. He was having none of it; Arthur was there to stay. When the team entered the final leg of the race, a difficult 36-mile coastal kayak ride, it seemed that Arthur could follow no more. They gave the dog their solemn goodbyes and paddled away. Arthur jumped right in the water and swam after them.

This was the final straw for the team. To great applause from spectators and officials, they helped the wet, exhausted dog to the kayak, where he would remain throughout the race. Which, incidentally, meant that they threw their last chance of winning to the wind, seeing as how they were now in a kayak with a wet and super-excitable dog -- a challenging situation even when you're not actively Supermanning through dangerous waters. Immediately after they crossed the finishing line, they began a long and arduous process to get Arthur to Sweden with them, which they were eventually able to secure with some help from their sponsors.

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Who were apparently the only people they could find with actual souls.

The fact that Arthur was able and willing to keep up with the team to the extent that he did was amazing, but that he managed it in the condition he was in was outright miraculous: According to the team's Facebook page, Arthur did his endurance racing with several deep wounds across his back, along with a whole host of smaller health issues that come when you're a small dog living in the freaking jungle.

It should probably go without saying that the Swedish Team Peak Performance now has five members.

Pauli Poisuo is a Cracked freelance editor and weekly columnist. Join his gang on Facebook and Twitter.

For more from Pauli, check out 5 Disastrous Ways People Tried to Make Porn a Reality and 5 Insane Ways to Abuse Your Body to Greatness (Tested).

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