But not everyone is that practical, and one Teutonic terrapin named Blade had the good luck of having an owner who cared enough to lug him over to the local veterinarian. And in an even bigger stroke of kismet, this particular vet actually gave enough of a s**t to go through the trouble of building him a working wheelchair.
If The Human Centipede trilogy gave you an irrational fear of creative German doctors, you can skip to about 1:00 to get straight to the turtlin'.
A lot of doctors would have taken one look at Blade and started taking practice swings with the euthanasia mallet, but Dr. Carsten Plischke of Bielefeld, Germany, saw another solution. Taking inspiration from the toys that his schnitzel-grubbing kinder had littered throughout his house, he used some glue to mount a LEGO "skate" on the underside of Blade's shell, with the goal of giving the incapacitated reptile the necessary clearance so that he could use his still-working legs to scuttle pointlessly once more. And the goddamn thing worked like a charm.
His owner wisely chose not to purchase the optional nitrous package.