Why This Will Never Change
Because who gives a shit.
Anything (As Long As They Say It Cleverly Enough)
"Caveat emptor" is Latin for "buyer beware" and frequently appears in actual law to describe what lies the purveyors are legally allowed to tell the consumer. Basically, any time you're reading the back of a can of soup or talking face-to-face with a salesman, there are a certain amount of things they're saying that you're supposed to know aren't true. And they know you know they aren't true. But they still have to say it, and you still have to pretend to believe them.
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Nothing says "honesty" like white dudes in business suits.
I've mentioned before how when Apple advertised one of their new iPhones, they said it was "twice as fast for half the price." Which was a lie. But when they were called out about that, they just explained that this "wasn't meant to be taken as a statement of fact." I mocked that as bullshit, but really that was a genuine legal defense for what they were doing: They thought that the consumer was in on their ridiculous bullshit.
"Oh, but that's the game! That's how negotiations work; only a total sucker would fall for this stuff!" Well, aren't you lucky that you aren't a sucker and somebody taught you the rules. Let me know how "totally fine" this system is next time you take a vacation day to go to a used-car dealership and spend the entire time trying to get a straight answer from the guy before giving up and paying just to end the interaction, because you're tired and angry and monthly payments are something future you will have to deal with. Don't pretend you've never been there.
Why This Will Never Change
Because this is really only a problem for people like me, who find meeting and talking to new people exhausting. We're automatically at a disadvantage in any negotiation. And there's nothing we can do about it, because we don't know how to bring up our feelings without making it weird.
JF Sargent is a senior editor for Cracked but never knows how to bring that up without making it weird. Follow him on Twitbook and Faceblur.
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