Sure, Shrek was the hero of the movie, but he was also an unapologetically disgusting and smelly social outcast, which is why Smith is obviously not using "Shrek-lookin' ass" as a compliment. In that universe, the Shrek franchise manufactured a new slur.

Orcs may be second-class citizens in that world, but surely they weren't cool with the film industry horribly representing them in the fourth-highest-grossing film of 2001. Were there ogre protests around the release? Were orcs (rightfully) flooding Mike Myers' email with complaints? Is it a scientific law that even if you fundamentally alter all of Earth's evolution and history, you still wind up with Shrek no matter what?

Still, this leads us to the main question: Are there even other religions in the Star Wars universe? If there are ... why? The Force and the Jedi teachings basically function as a religion, and there is tangible evidence that the Force definitely exists (you can check the blood for Force microbes), thus turning nonbeliever Han into the quick-draw flat-earther of the Galaxy.

Therefore, Marvel's Obama must have fucked up the response to the Chitauri attack so badly that Americans decided they were better off with a guy with zero experience dealing with alien attacks, which became a regular occurrence from that point forward. Were there conspiracy theories linking Obama to the Chitauri that brought about his downfall? Considering that we've all lived through the year 2016, it wouldn't be surprising.

But more importantly for this example, why would anyone care if Obama sang Al Green? He did that in the 2012 campaign and still lost. Obviously, it didn't make him cool enough to win.

First, the average student takes about 8.2 years to complete a Ph.D. program, but it ultimately comes down to what you're studying. Since Bruce Banner is a super genius, we could reasonably assume he would finish these programs much faster than your average student. But even presuming he completes each Ph.D. in, say, half the average time, it would still take him 28 years to acquire seven doctoral degrees. He's 48 now, and since he became the Hulk in 2005, that means that, at the very earliest, he started acquiring his collection of PhDs when he was 17.

All right, maybe he was one of those child geniuses. But then, what exactly did Banner get his PhDs in? In MCU canon, he's respected in the fields of gamma radiation (obviously), nuclear physics, and biochemistry. But what are the other four things he studied? He had to spend several years on each degree, so it seems kind of pointless that he's only using three of them. Did he get a doctoral degree in 14th-century poetry? Why? Just for kicks?

Also, how in the hell did Banner pay for all those degrees? Wouldn't tuition run into the millions? According to his backstory in The Incredible Hulk, he worked as a researcher at a university in Virginia. According to job site Indeed, one of those jobs will net you about $67,000 annually on average. Immediately after that, though, he became a professional raging green monster.

Maybe Hulk didn't leave Earth so he could protect Black Widow. Maybe he left so he could get away from his student loan debts.

Wait A Minute ...

Despite the fact that it would've looked hilarious next to J.R.R. Tolkien's chapter-long description of a tree and all of that tree's ancestors, this line isn't anywhere in the books. So how does an Uruk-hai know what menus, and by extension restaurants, are? Are there restaurants in the lava pit that is Saruman's backyard? Who are the staff members in the restaurants? In addition to breeding creatures in mud sacs for an army, does Saruman also take a few of them to be servers, cooks, and hosts? When he's not plotting to break into Helm's Deep, is Saruman also managing the Middle-earth equivalent of an Arby's?

Of course, these monsters have to eat, so it makes sense that, if not restaurants, they'd have something like a mess hall. But would it have a "menu"? You'd picture some slave handing out buckets of gruel in a line, not these hulking monsters staring at a list of options and figuring what looks good. Do they get a chance to modify their orders and ask for lembas with extra leaf wrappings? Do they send something back if the order is wrong? Do they pay for the meals? Do they tip?

With this in mind, it's no wonder that the Uruk-Hai got so cranky when they hadn't had anything good to eat for days. They had become so accustomed to the finest cuisine Orthanc had to offer that they all completely snapped.

Feel free to tell Mike over Twitter about all the Star Wars and Lord of the Rings lore he overlooked in this article.

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