And if it seems like too obvious of a trap to work most of the time, that's because it is. It's hard to have an impromptu chat with a gas-station attendant, or anyone, for that matter, without coming across like you immediately want something from them. Years of being approached by people looking to sell us satellite TV packages in Best Buy have attuned us to the fact that, any time someone is friendly for no reason, they're about to try to take all of your money. If they're not your parents or friends you made before the age of 10, they just want to fleece you. Remember that, Cracked readers. One day, your partner will roll over in bed and ask if you'd like hear about a telephone/Internet/cable package for $109 per month. It's inevitable.
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"How do you feel about 13 mbps down ... baby."
The most difficult place to use them is liquor stores, mainly because there's nothing else to do there but buy liquor. There is no second option for activities, and once there is, I'll start bringing a sleeping bag on my weekly trips. When you spend all day holding up IDs to make sure that they're real, you tend to get OK at it.
Once You Get A Real ID, You're Screwed
I never got far enough into a life of crime and debauchery to have to worry about what would happen when I turned 21. As it turns out, I probably wouldn't have handled that very well either, because actually using your real name, age, and biography presents a few glaring issues when taken in by the people you've been drinking with for years. This first problem is HOLY SHIT. YOU'VE BEEN LYING FOR, LIKE, FOREVER.
As I discussed bars with the group who decided that it would be worthwhile to spend their Saturday night talking to a loud guy who produced a notepad from his pocket within minutes of meeting them, I heard a few possible destinations get shot down. Usually, people stop going to bars for two reasons. The first is that the bar doesn't fit their social standards. The second is that their social standards don't fit the policies of the bar. The group revealed that there was a third reason: You've been using an alias since you were 19, and people are going to get freaked out when you finally reveal yourself.
"Just ... just tell me the cube fortune was real."
Once you discover the bars that are lax about checking for fake IDs, you're going to spend a lot of time at them. So, when 28-year-old Martha from Illinois reveals that she is actually 21-year-old Amanda from Georgia, there will be mixed feelings all around. The tales of bar owners revealing that they were chill about the whole thing is in the minority. Sporadically, it just depends on how their night is going when it comes to how they want to deal with you, but reporting your use of a fake ID can lead to you getting anything from a fine to jail time.
It would be nice if every bar owner responded to fake IDs in the same way that the worst anime villains respond to finding a worthy opponent, saying, "Ah, I respect you, as you have presented me with the challenge that I so longed for." Sadly, we live in a world where someone sees that they've been duped, realizes that the duping could've led to legal problems, and gets mad about it. They won't even have the decency to challenge you to a ninja battle before kicking you out of their establishment forever. Fucking jerks.
So, the group moved on to new bars where no one knew them by the name on their fake IDs. They were putting aside their youthful adventures and shifting into the next step in their ... well, scratch that. Who am I kidding? They were just interested in finding another spot to drink.
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Dark alleys and public parks tend not to card.
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