In a previous installment of this column, I discussed the A10 Cyclone SA, a goofy-ass home appliance lookalike that seemingly specializes in slowly sanding dicks into oblivion. Even today, I think it remains the most unnecessarily spooky item on that list, which is saying something, considering that the article also included a giant artificial vagina for your face.
So of course it turns out this vacuum cleaner / sander vortex was just one part of a bigger product family. Namely, the sane part. Here's its grumpy old uncle, the R-1, which takes its design aesthetic from that sexiest of all appliances: the blender.
Yep, seriously. Here's a guy demonstrating it on a rubber wang:
YouTube
Which you just know was a good three inches longer before they turned that thing on.
As any of my co-workers who bought my DIY firenado kit at the last company picnic can attest, I'm not the best person to preach about product safety. However, even I feel that a thing specifically designed for dong contact (dongtact) should have at least two requirements: 1) the product shouldn't look and act like its only available settings are "sander circumcision" and "full transition surgery", and 2) failing that, it should at least be somewhat intuitive to use. Guess how the R-1A10 Cyclone performs on the latter front?
Via ikOala
Is that an emergency beacon? Pretty certain it would come in handy.
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