Politics and sex scandals go together as well as peanut butter and jelly, or a moralizing congressman and a glory hole in a rest-stop stall. But surprisingly, most of the time politicians get off lightly. Bill Clinton's approval rating hit a new high the week after he was impeached for lying about how creative he could be with a cigar. Silvio Berlusconi was famous for his "friendships" with teenage girls and prostitutes, yet the Italians elected him prime minister three times. Even when politicians do get in trouble, it usually involves them stepping down from whatever office they hold and that's that.
But one powerful man's need to get lucky in 1960s Britain managed to bring down the whole government.
Warning: This is the guy you will picture boning for the next few paragraphs.
In 1961, John Profumo was the secretary of state for war (equivalent to the secretary of defense in the U.S.) when he met the 19-year-old Christine Keeler while she was skinny-dipping at a rich friend's pool party. Profumo was attracted to her because she was 19 and naked, and she was attracted to him because, I mean, c'mon! Look at him. The guy is a sexual powerhouse.
Despite having absolutely nothing in common, they started a five-month affair, later described by Keeler oh so romantically as a "screw of convenience." She also claimed they only had sex five times. So they averaged one screw a month.
I should also point out that Keeler was good friends/possibly sleeping with a Soviet diplomat, and this was the height of the Cold War. The failed Bay of Pigs Invasion had happened just three months before Profumo and Keeler started boinking, and the Cuban Missile Crisis occurred less than a year after they ended it. So when journalists finally got their hands on the story, it became a matter of national security. Did the guy in charge of fighting the Russians spill his seed and state secrets when he climaxed? The short answer is no.
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Any comments about "rockets" and "missiles" in bed were simply lame euphemisms.
Either way, it was the sex that interested the public. Soon, it blew up from the tale of one dumb pervert trying to plow a teenager to wild rumors of the entire Tory government regularly participating in orgies, including tales of a weirdo who walked around in a mask carrying a whip, presumably to ensure orgy attendants weren't getting out of line. Even though it was bullshit, the Conservatives were screwed.
In the end, Profumo was forced to resign, Keeler was jailed for perjury, a friend of Keeler's was arrested and then committed suicide, the prime minster stepped down, and the Labour Party took power in the next election for the first time in 12 years. Some orgasms can be so powerful they alter governments.
I'm just saying, if anyone wants to try to seduce David Cameron before May 7, that would be awesome.
Kathy wrote a very funny book called FUNERALS TO DIE FOR and you can buy it here. Or follow her on Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter.
For more from Kathy, check out 4 Awful Works by Famous Geniuses Everyone Pretends to Like and The World's Fastest Growing Industry (is a Pyramid Scheme).
And to further expand your noggin, check out Cracked's De-Textbook: The Stuff You Didn't Know About the Stuff You Thought You Knew.
It's loaded with facts about history, your body, and the world around you that your teachers didn't want you to know. And as a bonus? We've also included the kinkiest sex acts ever described in the Bible.