4

Catwoman From Batman

I don't know about you, but when I was about five or six, they used to show reruns of the old Batman TV show from the '60s on syndicated television. I was too young to realize how campy it was and how much it sucked. To me, it was just a superhero show I loved, one in which people got beat up a lot. But even though I was too young to appreciate its complete lack of quality dialogue or dramatic structure, I apparently wasn't too young to respond to the incredibly sexy BDSM vibe of Julie Newmar's Catwoman.

Meow.

3

Lydia Deetz From Beetlejuice

Well, I got older, and as everyone except Cracked's own Felix Clay does, I went through puberty. And that was around the time Beetlejuice came out. Now, I was never into Winona Ryder, or even that movie really, but any list of gothy ladies of cinema would have to include this character.

Of course, the youngsters in the audience might know Ms. Ryder better from the nine seconds she was on film in Star Trek.

What's the Attraction?

Well, here's the interesting thing about Ryder's character in Beetlejuice. She's kind of a mix of the Queen from Snow White and Snow White herself. I mean, like the Queen, she's all in black and clearly rejects the kind of charming girl-next-door cutesiness of Snow White. But while the Queen or Catwoman would eat you alive, she's tiny and frail. She couldn't lash out with anything more than an eye roll. So she's like a happy medium for guys who want that dark dangerous chick, but are huge wussies frightened by grown women.

2

Vicki Vallencourt From The Waterboy

OK, I was a man when The Waterboy came out. The year was 1998. It was a magical time, when we believed Adam Sandler movies could be funny and a cameo appearance by Rob Schneider would not yet make us cringe with embarrassment from the wacky things he had to say about the pharmaceutical industry. As you probably know, The Waterboy tells the story of a backwards, backwater waterboy with a talent for tackling. He overcomes an oppressive mom and bullying teammates to become a football hero.

And how does it do it? With the help of his hot-as-balls goth girlfriend Vicki Vallencourt, played by Fairuza Balk.

Super old dudes in the audience might remember Ms. Balk from her role as Dorothy in the craptastic Return to Oz.

What's the Attraction?

Well, let's state the obvious:

Picture above: the first photograph to file a restraining order against me.

But there's something more important about the Vallencourt character. She fights for the underdog. This is a spin on the Winona Ryder character above. Instead of taking a dangerous goth girl and making her a cutesy, cuddly anime character like Ryder so that weak dudes wont be frightened, Vallencourt ups the ante on her badassness and make her a protector of weak dudes. Brilliant.

1

Lisbeth Salander from The Girl With Dragon Tattoo

Maybe you saw the original Swedish movies with Noomi Rapace, or maybe you saw the American version with Rooney Mara. It doesn't matter, because the character is Lisabeth Salander, the badass rape victim hacker seeking justice. She is a fist. She is tough as nails. She is bisexual, and based on appearances alone, might appear to only be interested in women. She is the most recent entry on this list chronologically, but she is also number one because she is not made for men. She is her own woman, and a challenge.

And she comes in two flavors!

What's the Attraction?

Some goth women wear all the right dark and dangerous clothes, but at the end of the day, it's just another form of dressing up. They've traded in the leather jacket for the smart cardigan. Their blue hair is just another form of blonde beauty pageant cut. But Lisbeth dresses mostly to keep people away.

The appeal of Lisbeth -- aside from being impossibly tough and an incredible computer hacker -- is that she is a challenge. She dares you to see the beauty under the tats and piercings. She dares you to find the soft curves of a women beneath the leather. And if you can meet that challenge and see that appeal, then maybe she will give herself over to you, not as a trophy, not as a savior, but as an equal partner.

Meet "Oz," the gothy character in ... GLADSTONE'S NOTES FROM THE INTERNET APOCALYPSE -- ON SALE NOW!

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And be sure to check out 4 Things People Mistake for Signs of Aging and 21 Everyday Annoyances of Famous Fictional Characters.