So it turns out that the Icelandic people, the lovable maniacs that they are, aren't satisfied with just scary-ass fish dishes. Some of them also consider raw puffin hearts something of a delicacy. For reference, this is a puffin:
Shown here a-huffin'.
As you'd imagine, consuming the fresh, raw heart of a bird that looks like a Disney cartoon sidekick doesn't exactly enjoy worldwide popularity. Gordon Ramsay (yep, him again) once caught some heat for for "sky fishing" puffins and wolfing down a heart.
Still, hey, you already beat his hakarl score -- surely you're not going to let a grumpy-ass Scottish chef beat you on this, your final challenge?
Why You Need It:
To ride with me.
Look, I realize this is pretty lame as final tests to join a world-conquering barbarian horde go. Still, precious few cultures endorse culinary rituals in which you consume the raw heart of a wild animal, and I'm pretty sure it's an obligatory initiation rite for a proper horse general. I watch Game Of Thrones, kid; be glad I won't force you to choke down an actual horse heart.
So, here you are. You've stalked the puffin, caught the puffin, and all you have to do is to gut the puffin and consume its fresh, beating heart. So you grab your trusty knife and ...
... and you, um ...
... and you damn well pat it on the head and let it go. What the hell were you thinking? Did you really think I'd make you tear the heart of a damn puffin out and consume it? Look at the little guy. Look at it:
Aww. I want to take it home, name it Puffy, and teach it to host awful reality shows on bygone rap credentials. Anyway, here's your saddle and sword. Just follow me or whatever.
I, uh, never said I would be a very good warlord, did I?
Pauli Poisuo is your chieftain, in whose name you shall forever wage war (unless puffins are involved). Pledge allegiance on Facebook and Twitter.
Now that you've embraced the fried spider, it's time to accept other aspects of foreign cultures we need to adopt right now. Learn what Kummerspeck means in 9 Foreign Words The English Language Desperately Needs and try not to gorge yourself with fried spiders when you're done. But if you are eating them in a Spanish restaurant, make sure to sprinkle some spider crumbs on the floor. It's considered a compliment. Find out why in 5 Foreign Rules Of Etiquette That America Desperately Needs.
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