The next damn day, I took the ice cream out to cut it into squares, which I had to do quickly or else everything would melt. Well, I'm way too clumsy and distractible for a kitchen speedrun, as my squashed, crooked, and broken bars will attest.
I scream, you scream, we all scream in agony.
Then, it was time to freeze everything for another goddamn hour. This was fast becoming less what I would do for a Klondike bar and more what my grandkids would do. At least I could finally make my melted chocolate and coconut oil fudgy shell. The oil hardens the chocolate once it touches something cold, and unless you just dump the entire bottle in, you can't screw this part up.
You CAN, however, screw up the coating process, like I did. I needed to remove the bars from the pan and dip them in chocolate. Repeatedly, the ice cream stuck to the paper, which further busted already-busted squares. And when I COULD remove them, covering them completely in chocolate was a near impossibility. This is literally the best I could do:
The undersides were even more impressive:
Honestly, more chocolate ended up on me than on some of these bars: