And now I can make my own motor oil.
Despite brown sugar's knack for making food wetter than the white stuff does, my Peeps solidified after a mere three hours of sitting around waiting, just like the recipe said I would. Here they are out of their molds, and three cheers to me for not crushing them to an unrecognizable pulp like those poor Klondike bars:
It's the only correct thing I did this entire article.
The final step involved colored sugar, something a lack of funds also meant I didn't have. Luckily, I had another Next Best Thing: a shitload of sprinkles (which are basically colored sugar specks anyway) that I crushed up and poured over my Peeps. Behold, my ultimate DIY creation!
OK, so they didn't look like Peeps on the outside, but it's the inside that counts, right?
OK, so they were ugly there too. But what of the taste? If one bite made me reach for a towel to clean up the mess I made down there, then who cares how dumb it looked? Well, bad news there too: DIY Peeps taste like ... nothing. The sugar might as well have been air. The sprinkles were useless, and I have the sinking feeling actual colored sugar would've been no better. I couldn't even taste the vanilla extract I poured in there. It was jellified "eh."
Maybe in the future, when I'm world-famous with more money than Floyd Mayweather, all the time in the world, all the room in the world, and every kitchen tool ever made at my disposal, I'll try some of these asinine recipes again. Until then, I'll just stick to cakes, cookies, brownies, candies, and anything else I can both create and enjoy.
Besides, we'll always have Nutella.
Find Jason on Facebook, Twitter, and in his kitchen, which the government has amazingly not banned him from.
For more from Jason, check out 5 Real Art Projects That Quickly Turned Into Crimes and 5 Game Shows That Butchered Family Games in Hilarious Ways.
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