How to Avoid Being Ripped Off:

Replace the blades less often. First, those guidelines that say we should replace our blades three or four times a month come from the companies that are selling the blades. Now, these guys do know razors, but because they also know "taking your money," they might not be the most trustworthy source of advice. Instead, try replacing your blades when they stop working. And you can keep your blades working a lot longer with a few easy tips, also conspicuously absent from the razor blade cartel's promotional reading.

Razor blades don't dull from cutting your soft doughy face, nor even your food-encrusted whiskers -- the dulling effect actually comes from water and air corroding the metal. You can greatly limit that corrosion by simply drying the blades after each use -- blotting them on a towel is the easiest technique, but other people have had success with dipping them in alcohol, blowing on them really hard or throwing them in the direction of the sun.

"Helios! Bestow upon me your bounty of heat!"

How to REALLY Avoid Being Ripped Off:

Pluck your face. Tweezers last basically forever, so it's economical, so long as your time isn't very expensive, which, let's be honest here, Cracked reader, it probably isn't. Also, the confidence you gain from plucking every hair on your neck and face will give you a demeanor that many observers would describe as "wild, shit-eating intensity" -- which will certainly come in handy during business negotiations or when staring down any hostage takers.

Don't buy them. Even aside from the above reasons, there's a general rule about insurance -- which extended warranties are a form of -- that you should know. On the other side of every insurance deal is an insurance company with nerds and spreadsheets who know exactly how much that insurance should be worth and will sell it to you for a markup way higher than that.

For example, let's say you're insuring against an Uh-Oh.

Like getting into a Zeus-fight.

The insurance company figures this Uh-Oh has a 1 in 10 chance of happening each year, and if it does, it will cost $1,000 dollars. The insurance company will conclude that this insurance should cost them about $100 a year, and will then offer it to you for $150 a year with an enormous smile.

That's not completely unreasonable, incidentally. They obviously have to cover their overhead, the costs of maintaining all those nerds and spreadsheets, and they certainly have a right to make a profit. But you also have the right to not overpay for shit.

Now, in some cases, you should really still buy insurance. For things like home insurance, or life insurance, or car insurance, where you couldn't afford the costs of an Uh-Oh, then insurance is usually a prudent idea. It spreads out the costs of the Uh-Oh into small, bite-sized chunks. But if the Uh-Oh is less big -- more of a Meh-Oh, I guess -- where you can afford the costs, there's a concept called "self-insurance" you should know. This basically says, "Don't buy the damned insurance, Chester." The money you save by not buying it will more than offset the costs you'll incur. Losing a television would suck ...

"I would sell my body just for one tiny glimpse of you, Don Draper."

... but it's something most of us can probably recover from.

How to REALLY Avoid Being Ripped Off:

Offer Best Buy a reverse extended warranty. In exchange for them paying you a small fee, if at any time the product fails during the next three years, you won't drive your car through the front window, shrieking obscenities about OPEC.

How to REALLY Avoid Being Ripped Off:

Sell your own snacks inside the theater. Wear your puffiest vest, concealing one of those camel packs that hikers and backcountry skiers use. Fill that bastard with Dr. Pepper, and when the movie starts, begin prowling the aisles, muttering, "Get your Pepper. Pepper here. Pepper, Pepper, Pepper, Pepper, Pepper." When you find a buyer, simply give him a toot through the mouthpiece concealed in the enormous carnation that you obviously wear at all times.

How to Avoid Being Ripped Off:

You could study less. That's always been a popular choice.

More practically, many students are now getting together to share texts with friends, or using reference copies available in the library. Many textbook excerpts can also be found online -- whole textbooks can occasionally even be found on those websites that are not in any way going to be linked here, but we're all cool, so you know what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about Amazon.com obviously.

How to REALLY Avoid Being Ripped Off:

Twenty dollar handjobs. Nobody out there gives a good handy any more; the manual genital manipulation sector is ripe for a hot new business venture. Work on your technique, establish a premium product and the world will come to you, or at the very least, near you. Then, with the right business case sent to A&E or TLC, you'll soon find yourself the star of a show called Handymen or Tug Stars or something like that. The only textbooks you'll need then will be to decorate the set of your "Fantasies of Soft-Handed Librarians" exhibit, and even those can be written off as a business expense.

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For more from Bucholz, check out An Apology to Customers of My Hot Dog Stand and Something Called Science Claims the Internet Makes Us Dumb.

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