It seems like a no-brainer to fix your frozen program, but the task absolutely will not end if it doesn't want to, and instead wants to continue fucking up your work day. That's when we would typically switch over to the processes tab at the top, which gives us a look at everything currently running on your system.

Erik Germ
What the effing fuck, Chrome?

Ending the process that is hanging you up is a lot more efficient than ending the task, and it works almost immediately. That's usually the first place an IT guy will look when you call about a program not working. But while it's a great solution to a systematic problem, it can also make things worse if you don't know what you're doing.

Why The IT Department Doesn't Want You To Do It Yourself

What you may have noticed from the image of the Task Manager is the lack of a program name in the processes tab. They don't spoon-feed you the program name to make it easy to identify, but instead list the application's file name. The reason IT doesn't want you to fuck around with the processes is that we know what those programs mean, while your average end user does not. It's obvious that a process called outlook.exe will kill your Outlook program, but what if a casual user sees a program called "wininit.exe" eating up a lot of memory and decides to end it?

Erik Germ
You have the power, but do you want the power?

And that's a best-case scenario, since this process asks you just what the hell you think you're doing. What if you end the WiFi program? You'd be kicked off the internet and would have to, like, read a book or something. Or what if you ended one of the 10,000 RunDLL32.exe processes which are necessary to run your computer? You could cause some real problems for your system and end up in a much shittier situation that you were before. That's a quick way to piss off the IT department -- which, as Cracked has already established, is something you don't want to do.

There's no magic involved in making your computer boot faster, unless you consider built-in programs magic. For a lot of programs, like Skype or Dropbox, the program sets them to boot with the computer so they're ready to go right away. You can usually turn off the "boot with Windows" option in most program settings, since those programs take it upon themselves to enable it. But some programs don't have that option and still boot with the computer, slowing it down considerably each and every day. Luckily, there is another way to turn off startup items called MSCONFIG, which gives you a list of everything that boots with the computer and the option to give them the finger, like, so hard.

Erik Germ

So now that you know MSCONFIG exists, leave it the hell alone!

Why The IT Department Doesn't Want You To Do It Yourself

If you know what you're doing, MSCONFIG is an excellent way to disable the bullshit that clogs your startup pipes. There are a ton of unnecessary programs that boot with your PC, like Java and Adobe updates, iTunes, Google Toolbar nonsense, and so many others. But squeezed in amongst the expendable items are programs you absolutely don't want to disable. Aside from some important graphics and sound programs, your IT department may have some programs installed specifically to support your system. Disabling something like that is a fast track to HR and a potential pink slip for the effort.

So how the hell are you supposed to free up space when there is no space to free up?

The Easy Fix

On the surface, it may not look like there are any deletable items in the folders you use every day, and that might be the case for you. Luckily, your friendly neighborhood IT guy knows where the rubbish hides out on your hard drive and the most effective way to get rid of it. For instance, on a Windows PC, you have regularly scheduled updates which install automatically. Windows Updates is kind of a one-and-done thing that doesn't require much user input, but when it's done, those update files need somewhere to go. Your IT guy can navigate to the folder where those excess files are stored and delete them without any problematic side effects. It's the same deal with temporary files used by programs, and old log files that write and overwrite themselves constantly, eating up your space that could be better utilized by some hilarious cat memes. By themselves, those kinds of files don't take up a lot of real estate, but when enough of them get together, they can really be a pain in the ass.

Why The IT Department Doesn't Want You To Do It Yourself

Unless you're willing to delete stuff you've downloaded yourself, it's probably best you leave the rest of the folders on your computer alone. I've been around the internet enough to know that the most common response to "How do I fix ____ on my computer" is "Delete the System32 folder." If you don't know already, that is extremely bad "advice." System32 is the folder that makes Windows work. Without it, you just have an expensive paperweight whose only feature is to complain that it can't find the files needed to access any features.

Erik Germ
Oh, dementedrmt, you sweet, foolish angel baby.

People can be gullible, and it's not really their fault for not knowing how a computer works. But right there is a prime example of why you don't want to run around just deleting whatever you want. Almost everything under the C:\Windows directory should be considered off-limits, since it's the lifeblood of your system. The absolute worst-case scenario any IT professional will give you is that you need to buy a bigger hard drive. That's an extremely small price to pay, since you can get a decent-sized drive for less than some of the coffee at Starbucks nowadays.

The Problem

It is very easy to not get a virus on your PC in 2016. Microsoft in particular makes it very difficult to continue using your computer without some kind of protection installed. But even the best computers can get some of the nastiest viruses out there -- the ones that seem to only exist to make your life a living fucking nightmare. This is the time when the super nerds actually feel like superheroes, because nothing is better than saving a PC in distress after the person using it mucked it up so badly.

PeskyMonkey/iStock
From zero to ... still zero.

The Easy Fix

I mentioned how Microsoft has all sorts of protection built into their systems. This protection doesn't just save you from viruses, but also virtually anything that is mistakenly installed on your computer. One such safeguard is called System Restore; a kind of time machine created to protect you from yourself and take you back to the blissful time when your computer wasn't totally screwed.

Universal Pictures
"When this porn site installs a virus on your computer, you're gonna see some serious shit."

System Restore will typically make a snapshot of your settings every time you install a new program or whenever Windows runs an update, so it can roll back to that if the user deems it necessary. So if a virus somehow gets installed, or maybe a developer releases a bad update to a program that totally tanks your computer, you can choose a date on the calendar to Quantum Leap back to.

Erik Germ
Sorry it doesn't look like a DeLorean. I don't make the rules.

Why The IT Department Doesn't Want You To Do It Yourself

As far as self-diagnosing your computer, System Restore is probably the least harmful action you can attempt on your own. It was built to be a fail-safe for your deplorable computing habits, and is actually very intuitive to use. But if you have the means, you should definitely consult a professional before diving in. A lot of times, the restore points generated will be labeled "Critical Windows Update," which basically means "This shit is important." Those updates are installed to protect your system from some kind of major security flaw Microsoft has found in their software. Going back to before that update was installed is leaving yourself open to the kind of attack that probably dropped you into a shitty situation in the first place.

Plus, if your issue is bad enough, a System Restore won't do much except make it tougher for a professional to diagnose what your issue was before the time jump. Also, if you mess with the space-time continuum enough, your computer might end up in a timeline where Biff Tannen rules Hill Valley, and that's the last thing any of us need.