Scotch makes me ... calm, happy, and sentimental.
Yeah, I know some people have issues with the dark liquors, but some time in the last two years, I realized I shouldn't be drinking anything else. I'm not shilling for the whiskey industry, and of course whiskey, like any drug, can cause addiction, and has ruined countless lives. When it comes to drinking now, however, this is where I go nine times out of ten. It is just simply mellowing and nice for me. Sure, yoga and meditation work, and those don't destroy your liver, but all I'm saying is that I don't always drink, but when I do, it's scotch.
Science says this happens because ...
Again, it doesn't. Some people claim whiskey makes them mean and angry. Another friend told me it's the buzz that's closest to weed.
Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty
Yep. Him.
But this is my experience. Scotch just treats me more nicely than any other booze, and while obtaining this feeling of well-being without a beverage is a noble and healthful endeavor, it's nice that I've learned enough about my body chemistry (minus the actual science details) to pick the poisons that work for me best.

GLADSTONE'S NOTES FROM THE INTERNET APOCALYPSE IS ON SALE NOW!
After experiencing the joy of purchasing Book 1 of the trilogy, be sure to follow Gladstone on Twitter.
Also, you can get all your Internet Apocalypse news here.
For more of Gladstone on Cracked, check out 5 Weird Personality Changes That Happen When You Live Alone and 5 Unexpected True Stories Behind Famous Gender-Bending Songs.
Lastly, WATCH A NEW EPISODE OF HATE BY NUMBERS AND HELP GLADSTONE FUND MORE!
376 Comments