Somewhere in White Rock, British Columbia, a foolhardy fellow opted to leave his family for "a piece of trash" (the aforementioned floozie), and his wife was understandably left in a position of much chagrinment. Realizing that their relationship was clearly on the outs, she placed a Craigslist ad for his stuff. What stuff? All of his stuff. All of it was for sale, and all of it was to be sold before he got home from his weekend of enfloozery.

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"I gave her the big D, y'all!"

I never run across sales like this, and that's sad, because I could use a new juicer and some Xbox games (the last one I bought was Injustice, and I beat that pretty quickly). If anyone who lives nearby would like to cheat on their wife, and then if any of the wives would like to sell all their crap at a steal, please let me know.

The local paper showed up, because everyone loves the circus, and people who attended claimed to get some pretty good deals on furniture, tools, and fishing gear. Unfortunately, there were no clothes available, as, according to the ad, they had already been burned the day before. Ha ha, vandalism!

Taken under inspiration's wicked wing, Osborn decided to write up an ad for his wife on eBay. Not to sell her possessions, just to sell her. Starting at one cent, Osborn got bidding up to half a million British pounds, despite the ad specifying that she was worth "sod all." Sod! That's like trash!

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"Is someone toasting provolone, or is that my vagina?"

The ad itself featured a picture of his wife picking her nose and described her as a "lying, cheating, adulterous bitch whore," although some news sources insisted it was "lying, cheating adulterous slag," which I must say I prefer, because "slag" is a really fun insult. It also included her cellphone number, the number of the guy she was sleeping with, and the number of the business where they both worked. All things considered, it was pretty charming.

The police were less than amused by Osborn selling his wife online and paid him a visit to warn against posting "offensive, indecent, obscene, and menacing" messages online, which means probably I can never use the Internet in England ever.

On one particular show, Shaw was talking with Jodie Marsh, a British boobie model know for her boobies and her willingness to show her boobies. He claimed that he would be willing to leave his wife and kids for her, a joke that she may have found funny but that his wife, who was listening, found hysterical. I bet she literally slapped her knee.

After the knee-slapping subsided, Mrs. Shaw went online and listed Mr. Shaw's $38,000 Lotus Esprit on eBay (that's European for "ugly sports car") for about 75 cents. It sold in a few minutes, and a happy customer drove it away before Shaw even came home from work.

Seeing as Shaw didn't actually commit adultery, but merely made public his willingness to do so at the drop of a hat with a total stranger, he was able to make amends with a public apology on a television show, and he even got his car back for only about $7,500. Hopefully he really goes all the way sometime, not for the pain it will cause his family, but for the mirth it will bring the rest of us when his wife does something drastic, like gluing Japanese hornets to his scrotum while he sleeps.

I'm not saying this video is not an ad (which I refuse to refer to as "viral" because it's a shitty, meaningless buzz term that people on morning news shows use without having even the slightest idea what it means). I'm just saying that if it is an ad, it fucking sucks. This is like Pringles trying to make you by chips by telling you you'll get your hand stuck in the can and have to get it surgically removed if you buy them. This is like Spirit Airlines running a commercial that actually shows how terrible their service is while still expecting you to fly them. It's like a hooker showing you pictures of what your infection will look like once it's in full-blown gross mode before you actually pork.

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"... and this here is what that burning feeling around your butthole looks like!"

I like to think this video is legit, because as a revenge video it's pretty great -- it's just several hundred pounds of literal shit in a car. That was hilarious in Back to the Future, and it's hilarious here.

This is as good a place as any to also bring up billboards, which surely someone was going to comment on eventually, something witty like "Hey Felix, what about the wife who paid for a billboard to out her cheating husband? That was a humdinger!" Humdinger it was, good reader, but alas, the ding it hummed was too good to be true. Turns out all those billboards you've heard about are straight-up lies. The most famous one, from a wife named Jennifer in Greensboro, North Carolina, was an ad for a yogurt place. A yogurt place.

Listen, I don't eat a lot of yogurt, and I don't understand the motivation behind going out for yogurt. If I need yogurt, I'll buy some at the store and eat it and it'll be vaguely satisfying. But the people who go out for yogurt are apparently all like "Look, infidelity! Let's have yogurt!" or something. I have no idea. Also, if it doesn't mention yogurt, how the hell does it sell yogurt? Doesn't a viral ad campaign need to make some kind of sense? At all? At least the poop one was for a relevant website.