As far as I can tell, nobody (except for the grunting shit-for-brains scratching backwards swastikas onto people's cars) is really against Jewish communities having a neighborhood watch group -- it's just the fact that they're so gosh darn "active" about it. But it seems Shomrim is fully aware of the line between "concerned citizen" and "vigilante," as demonstrated by the guy who was caught screwing on an unauthorized red and blue, police-style light bar package to one of their vehicles, who rightly stated: "It's not illegal for me to install them -- only for them to use them on the street." And people are upset about these guys spending public funds? What for?
osdtagle via animalpolitico.com
With drug cartels continuing to terrorize Mexico and slaughter law enforcement officials with impunity (or just straight-up putting them on the payroll), a number of armed vigilante organizations have formed to combat the menace. These "self-defense" groups would normally be seen as a threat to public safety, but the situation is such a nightmare right now that the government has actually deputized some of these maverick, "playing by their own set of rules in a world they didn't make" bands of misfits in the interest of the greater good. In fact, they've even gone so far as to arm the leader of a village of fictional, blue, Communist (or possibly Fascist) gnomes to aid in their fight against a balding wizard and his cat.
By the end of the week, Gargamel would finally fall to dozens of smurfsucking smurfholes inflicted on several of his vital smurfs.
Actually, "Papa Smurf" is just the nickname of a regular-sized yet still smurftastically bearded man named Estanislao Beltran. He's the leader of a bunch of farmers (and other, decidedly non-police members of Mexican society) who have banded together to resist the cartels and have also clashed with government forces after attempts were made to disarm their cause. Indeed, while Beltran certainly looks rather jolly on first inspection, being on his "naughty list" usually means you'll be receiving sustained gunfire rather than coal in your stocking. Therefore, the authorities took a creative approach in convincing Papa Smurf's Army to turn themselves in: by issuing them uniforms and assault weapons.
Cookies and milk are fine, but what he really has a hankering for is BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD.
Since being legitimized by the powers that be, Beltran and his cohorts have been working hand-in-hand with the cops to take the fight directly to cartels like the Knights Templar, an especially foul consortium of narco-villains. Together they've been conducting successful raids deep within the drug lords' ill-gotten territory, and after one such campaign of kicking culo and taking nombres the local townsfolk held a parade the likes of which Lucky, Dusty, and Ned could only dream about. They definitely deserved it, since it was greatly due to Beltran and his friends' efforts that the cartel's leader, Servando "La Tuta" Gomez Martinez, was finally taken into custody after years of keeping the rural citizens of the state of Michoacan under his cruel boot heel. Although they should probably wrap up the celebrating soon, since, if recent history is any indication, it likely won't be too long before "La Tuta" scurries down a toilet tunnel to freedom and picks right up where he left off.
Be sure to follow us on Facebook and YouTube, where you can catch all our video content, such as Worst Police Sketch Artist Ever and other videos you won't see on the site!
For more from Ross, check out 6 Brothels That Turn Sex Into A Day At An Amusement Park and 5 Drugs That Turn Your World Into A Real-Life Horror Movie.