I get why this happens. Someone looks good and you want to give them a compliment. People like compliments. And people like talking about themselves, so sure, all you're trying to do is get the ball rolling. But just look at that sentence. It's a diss. "You usually don't look this good" is implied. So if you see your buddy at a party looking better than usual and you want to pay him or her a compliment, you have two choices: a) actually notice what is different, or 2) just say, "Hey, you look great!" That's it. Is that so hard? Hell, you can even cheat. If you have no idea why your friend looks so suddenly spectacular, just take a guess and they'll likely correct you without anyone getting insulted. Like this:
"Margaret! You look like a million bucks! Did you get your clitoris laminated?"
"No, just got bangs, but thanks!"
See? You're welcome!
"I Had A Dream About You!"
People dream. It happens. And people, like prophets, like to share their dreams. But unlike the visions of prophets, people's dreams usually suck. They are random slices of someone else's psyche. You might be in their dream, but it's not you. It's their vision of you. Or what you represent. Sometimes you will have a tail, or your teeth will be falling out, or your fingers will be octopus tentacles.
"If you think that last sentence was weird, you should hear what he says when he's on my couch."
Look, we all know the obvious exception. Sex dreams. If someone you want physically tells you they had a sex dream about you, that's a good thing. But if someone is brazen enough to admit to you they spent last night dream-boning, then odds are pretty good (like in entry #5 above) that the next sentence is going to be, "Hey, let's have sex," so that's not really what we're talking about. We're talking about folks sharing their dreams under the twisted conception that hearing something like this would make you want to talk to them:
"So, you were in my dream last night. I was at this amusement park, but instead of tickets, you got on the rides by paying them in fingers, so I kept giving my fingers away until I had no fingers, and I was on a roller coaster, but I flew out and I couldn't hold onto the track to keep from falling because I had no fingers, and when I fell to the ground I landed in the lake by the water flume and you rowed up to me and gave me new hands."
No one wants to hear that. But dreams like that are rare, so there's another reason no one wants to hear they were in your dream. Because it usually goes like this:
"You were in my dream last the night."
"Oh, doing what?"
"Nothing. You were just there."
And somehow that dream is almost more disturbing. And if not disturbing, then certainly boring.
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