Emptage still lives with her daughter and has a good relationship with her, but they've basically had to learn about each other as new people, which has to be equally terrifying for both, because what 22-year-old is prepared to have a 15-year-old daughter, and what 15-year-old can even fathom having a mom who just hit prime Spring Break age in her own mind?
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No one wants to ever be injured in such a way that they end up in a coma, but if it did happen, what do you figure the best side effect of such trauma would be, assuming you had to suffer some side effects? Those language skills sound pretty cool, but if you're a 16-year-old boy or someone with the mind of one, you'll probably think this one is the best -- a little bit of the ol' nymphomania. Yes, nothing puts a cherry on top of traumatic brain injuries quite like the insatiable urge to mount every member of the opposite sex you can find, especially when you're also totally unable to understand why anyone else would think it was inappropriate. And that "anyone else" includes the person you're married to.
"You're the weird one for not banging our neighbors!"
As it happens, Heather Howland suffered a brain hemorrhage and ended up in a coma. Doctors had such little hope for her recovery that they told her husband of 15 years to prepare for the worst, and he signed consent forms to have her unplugged from the machines that would keep her alive but in a vegetative state. But then, because the universe likes to dick with people, Heather pulled off a miraculous recovery and awoke from her coma, only now she wanted the D and she wanted it all the time.
The couple have figured that Heather has cheated on her husband at least 50 times -- maybe not always full-on sex but probably at least a little rub and tug here and there. Before the incident, Heather had never even been with another man, never even kissed another man, and had been one of those almost-too-adorable church ladies who bakes brownies and raises funds for kids with club feet. After, she became the sort of woman who tries to drag delivery boys into public restrooms to bang them like low-budget bongos in the hands of a hyperactive toddler.
Or like her breasts in the hands of accosted pizza boys.
The day she awoke from the coma, she asked her husband to help her use the hospital washroom. He soon found out all she needed him for was a quick ride and, being her husband, he wasn't about to complain -- he thought it was one of those celebratory "I just got out of a coma" humps we all hear about. And for three months he kept on helping her with all her needs, most of which were sexual.
When the day came when Heather finally felt well enough to leave the house for the very first time, her husband watched her as she crossed the street, waved to him, walked over to a house under construction and started chatting up a construction worker before entering the house with him and closing the door. Her husband watched a moment longer in confusion until he could make out two figures kissing on the other side of a frosted-glass window, then went over, punched the dude out, and took his wife home.
Which is really the worst possible turn of events for someone who's about to get laid.
The problem has never gone away. Their method of treatment has been medication -- Heather takes a few different pills known to have an effect on libido, and so far it seems to be working. Her husband is grateful, since, as cool as it might sound to have a super horned-up wife, the fact that she's tried to do all of his friends, some of whom took her up on the offer, and that she could come home with a disease or pregnant since she's not at all concerned about safety are pretty serious downsides.
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