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Companies Direct Their Hungry Employees To Food Banks

After non-medical staff at University of Pittsburgh Medical Center went public about their desire to unionize with tales of low wages, one particular employee mentioned she needed to use a food bank to help feed her family. UPMC apparently only heard the "food bank" part of her statement, because they responded by making sure that the employee was first to know about the new food bank that they'd set up just in time for Thanksgiving! Most importantly, the food bank is one that asks other poor employees for donations.

I mean, how else can a huge organization make sure their employees can buy food? Isn't that what second jobs are for? Not that this is an isolated incident. No bad practice can be isolated as long as Walmart exists. One of their Ohio stores put on a canned food drive to help their employees, producing that double-edged sword of "It's good that I'll have food when I need it, but it's bad that I have to rely on my employer arranging charity for me to get it instead of paying me a living wage."

Some naive reader out there might think this is outrageous coming from a $386 billion company, but you must understand. They got to be worth that much because their employees make shit. And really, have you seen how much company money these people waste by pissing? It's an outrage!

Related: 6 Insane Ways Companies Screw Over Their Employees

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Walmart Tried To Turn Its Employees Into Delivery Drivers

Might as well stick with Walmart for the moment. The corporate overlords there couldn't help but notice how Amazon is finding new and innovative ways to cut costs by screwing its employees. So why not just leech off their home delivery system? Problem: Walmart isn't set up to copy something like that on a massive scale. Solution: something really fucking stupid and mean.

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A Company Tried To Illegally Use Its Employees' DNA

Everyone likes workplace drama, as it's what stops you from lighting your hair on fire and headbutting coworkers until they have a your-face-shaped bruise on their face. But what happens when shit goes down at work and you get blamed for it, even though it wasn't your fault? And what if the shit that went down was a literal shit? If you're Atlas Logistics Group Retail Services, you become Shit Detectives.

Jack Lowe and Dennis Reynolds had to sue Atlas Logistics after the company forced both men to undergo a cheek swab in order to have their DNA tested against a sample the company already had on hand. And where did the company get the aforementioned sample? From the loaves of poop someone left on the floor of a warehouse. Some phantom ass bandit was pooping around the workplace, and because both Lowe and Reynolds' schedules matched up with the Time of Turd, the amateur Poop Constables had both men swabbed.

Of course, the tests didn't provide a match, and both employees sued the company, because there's actually a law that prevents businesses from using your DNA against you in hiring and firing. The company offered $200,000 to each wrongly accused shit shooter, but they ended up winning over $2 million. The lesson here is that no, your boss does not have the right to harvest your genetic material just because someone baked some biscuits on the loading dock.

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