So, there you go: Girls dont like video games as much because theres something wrong with their brains.
"This is the face of brain damage." -Science
Hey, ladies, I didnt say it. That's science. Theres no use getting pissed off about it; you may as well give the cold shoulder to thermodynamics and refuse to sleep with string theory.
(Pro Tip: If you mention this fact to any women, try to explain it in exactly those words. If she tries to argue, just calmly state that its science you learned off the Internet, second-hand from a comedy site that shits irrefutable!)
They discovered that the mesocorticolimbic center (an area of the brain tied to reward and addiction) was stimulated much more in men by putting a series of players into an MRI machine while having them play a game in which the goal was to win territory by manipulating balls. Which begs the question, is the new Teabag Wars out already? I thought the release date was pushed back after that kid in Indiana died while emulating the Rising Dragon Forehead Slapper.
#2. Speech Impediments
In the UK, a nationwide program is under consideration to begin scanning children that spend excessive time playing video games for speech and communication problems. They propose training health professionals to visit schools and administer the tests, much like they do for other health concerns such as scoliosis and ADD. Thats right: Video Game Retard Scanner could very soon be an actual profession in Britain.
"Can you tell me why you like pWning n00bs, in your big boy words?"
Apparently the concerns arose when new British Health and Development surveys revealed that a worryingly high number of young children cannot repeat basic speech prompts, have not learned sufficient communication skills and, in some cases, cant even recognize their own name.
To be fair to video games, the blame fell on television as well as a general lack of social interaction between parents and children. Presumably they threw video games in there as a primary cause just because British scientists hate fun.
And on a related note: Suck it, Britons! Maybe were dumber overall here in the states, but at least Joe America can spell his own fucking name even it is with a three, two dollar signs and a McDonalds logo.
#1. Social Dysfunction
Psychiatrists at UCLA are pushing a new theory that technology and video games are fundamentally rewiring how the brain processes information. The idea is that time spent interacting with technology takes valuable brain power away from social skills even some as basic as recognizing facial expressions. So, maybe you know all about casting a third tier fire shield, but youve traded that information for knowing what a smile is. Jesus, thats so ridiculously awful that it sounds more like an evil spell cast by a Care Bears villain than a psychiatric theory. Other consequences of this rewiring are listed as social awkwardness, poor body language skills, general isolation and less interest in interpersonal events
Sotheyre saying that people that interact with technology a lot arenerds?
I hope UCLA gets its funding from magical leprechauns, because their psychiatric theories are not exactly groundbreaking fare.
Putting aside the questionable validity of Professor Jock up there, the studies theyve conducted say that the problems are getting much worse in native users of modern technology (people that have grown up using it) and are most notably present in people in their early 20s. The theory even goes further, supposing that as children learn to read in the traditional way from books, the brain builds pathways that are later used for sophisticated analysis and comprehension. These pathways take a bit of processing time to form, so when children develop using the Internet constantly flipping from subject to subject they drastically lower their reading comprehension.
Again, that grant money better be coming from whoring your body off to better, more successful scientists, UCLA psych department, because, Christ, just look at any comments page on the Internet. I couldve told you that 20-year-olds have trouble with fucking reading comprehension.
"What the fuck is this thing?"
Hell, just in the comments section below this article, I bet you'll find a dozen fags, six firsts!!1! and about 27 calls for me to STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B
Actually, now that I think about it, are you guys hiring over there at the UCLA psych department? You may be the Wal-Mart of science, but at least youre not greeted in your empty lab every morning by a fellow psychiatrist screaming first! because hes been waiting in the dark all night just to brag about how he got there before you.
Read more from Robert at his own site, I Fight Robots, where you can learn more about how everything fun is going to kill you.
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