Oh, and there's also a chance it's going to kick you right in the brain box by narrowing the blood vessels in your thinker. This results in the kind of pain that makes you want to die.
They call it reversible cerebral vasoconstriction syndrome, and it's like what happens to a ding-dong in a cold pool, only it's your brain's blood supply and not cold water, so basically nothing like that. The result is what they call a "thunderclap" headache -- pain bad enough that the contestant in one pepper-eating contest had to go to the emergency room, presumably thinking he was having a goddamned stroke. He was sent home after a few days, but those symptoms can apparently last for weeks, off and on.
That guy is the only Reaper-brain victim that we know of (typically this condition is a side effect of some medications), so if it ever happens to you, make sure you mention it to the doctors if you were doing some dumbass YouTube hot pepper challenge at the time.
Swallowing Enough Chewing Gum Can Kill You
You ever have someone tell you not to eat gum because it'll grow a gum tree in your stomach, or you can't ever digest it, or it'll make you fart pink bubbles? People say those things because they learned science from a kid on the playground who spent too much time sniffing markers. But there is a problem with gum, and it's so much worse than any of us ever imagined that it'll make you wish you had a gum tree growing out of your ass.
Samantha Jenkins was 19 when she fucking fell into a coma and died due to deathly low levels of potassium, magnesium, calcium, and sodium. She suffered a fatal lack of oxygen to her brain as a result of convulsions caused by the mineral deficit. To be so devoid of all of those nutrients with no underlying condition present was pretty much unheard of. So what the hell happened? Gum. Goddamn gum.
Jenkins reportedly ate 14 pieces of gum every day. An autopsy found large chunks of green gum in her stomach, and her mom found dozens of empty packs in her room. The gum she ate was artificially sweetened with aspartame and sorbitol, and artificial sweeteners are used in hospitals as laxatives. At the dose Jenkins was giving herself, she was very likely causing the malabsorption that led to her fatal condition. Fresh breath is not worth some bullshit like that.
Doctors were reluctant to lay the blame on the gum directly, as this is uncharted waters, but with no other cause on the table, it's the one that makes the most sense. I know we're making a bunch of jokes here because our job is to entertain, but in general, it's a bad idea to constantly swallow gum, and you definitely shouldn't let small children do it (you know, the ones least likely to listen to you on this subject). In small amounts they'll just poop it out (your system can't dissolve it), but if they swallow a bunch, it can absolutely block up their system, and things will get ugly fast.
Support Cracked's journalism with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.
For more ways the things that nourish you destroy you, check out 5 Shocking Side Effects Of Foods You Eat Every Day and 6 Bizarre Side Effects Of Foods You Eat Every Day.
Follow us on Facebook. Nom nom nom.