The hallucinogenic high of bravery washes out and a sad realization sets in: Nothing gets resolved after the online airing of long-held grievances. Everyone goes back to using the chat to attack workplace boredom -- the group chat's true nemesis and the reason this Justice League of buddies was assembled.
Making People Believe Every Thought Is Worth Sharing
It must have sounded like an incredible idea: You like your friends; they're entertaining. Bet it would be real nice to be able to talk to them to kill time whenever and wherever boredom strikes. Bored in a waiting room? At work? At a funeral? Well, reach into your pocket and pull out your best friends and have a ball!
A casual Friday kind of funeral.
Put that way, group chats sound incredible. Friendships are magically shrunk down to the palm of your hand! But there's an unfortunate detail hiding in chat's fine print: Most people lack sufficient shit to say after about a day. Sometime before lunch and extending through infinity, group chats devolve into people typing garbage thoughts to keep their brains from shutting down. Some impressively boring conversation topics get heaved onto the scrolling canvas of the chat in the hope that they catch the eye of a similarly bored buddy thirsting for a sip of entertainment.
The chat becomes a vision quest to answer one question: Just how interesting are the people I call friends? The bored, tormented ideas of a friend can challenge a person's definition of interesting. They test the limit of how much stupid horseshit people can rationalize as entertainment when their boredom shifts to desperation-mode. Just what kind of stupid-ass, bottom-of-the-barrel, monkey-fuck conversations can we cavity-search hoping to find a diamond buried deep in their cavernous assholes?
Jeffrey Hamilton/Digital Vision/Getty Images
Elbow-deep in that conversation.
I'm left with only one logical conclusion: Group chats are haunted houses that make the people who live there turn on each other. The evil chat's most perverse trick was making people think it's everything they've ever wanted, only to slowly destroy the very thing it was meant to keep together.
Luis is blowing up your chats with pictures of arm-fold vaginas. In the meantime, you can find him on Twitter and Tumblr.
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For more from Luis, check out The 4 Steps Of Adjusting To A Whole New Group Of Friends and 5 Weird Overshadowed Creations Of Famous People.