Now, I can't remember the last time someone actually told me a joke. These days, people just forward the links, memes and vids they like. Between email chains and Facebook/Tumblr postings, there's no longer any reason to remember little one-liners or story vignettes. One click and boom, you've told a joke. Sort of.
And that's significant because the only people who love jokes more than funny people, consumed with devouring the logic puzzles of humor, are people with absolutely no sense of humor. Unfunny people used to love jokes because they were comedy shortcuts. If you remembered a certain series of words in the right order and spoke them aloud, you said something funny. You didn't need to write the joke or be spontaneously creative, you just had to hit your mark.
But the Internet offers far more than mere jokes when it comes to helping unfunny people look like they have a sense of humor. And it goes beyond just forwarding those stupid old-timey-looking illustrated placards with something snarky written on them. Seriously, have you seen those things? I've been mean online for years, and when I read those, even I'm like, whoa, take it easy, grumpypants.
OK, I made that one up, but just barely.
But I'm not just talking about the way the Internet lets people forward content created by others. I'm talking about how the Internet actually teaches people to be "funny." Perhaps nowhere does this happen more than Twitter. What is Twitter? One description would be that it's a place for cute girls to go to let everyone know how lame they are. But it's more than that.
For me at least, Twitter is a place to stay in touch with the world via short, funny statuses. I mean, right now on Twitter there are comedians like Patton Oswalt, Blaine Capatch, Rob Delaney and Todd Barry who get paid to be funny giving stuff away for free. There are humor writers also killing it like Jason Roeder, Guy Endore-Kaiser, Gerry Duggan, Matt Tobey, Ted Travelstead, Dan Guterman, and me.
And then there are some of the unfunniest fuckers this world has ever known. I don't mean non-professional comedy writers -- there are tons of hilarious people being funny on Twitter in their spare time. I'm talking about people you'd never want to be stuck talking to at a party who think they're hilarious because Twitter gave them a comedy shortcut in the form of a hashtag. For those who don't know (somehow), hashtags are ways to make it appear you're telling a joke without actually saying anything funny.
One tag that I particularly hate is #firstworldproblems. See, you complain about something small and then you type #firstworldproblems after it and suddenly it's supposed to be a joke: "Hey, the barista didn't leave room for my milk. #firstworldproblems"
Look at me. I'm a funny a person. Twitter has taught me how to construct humor out of nothing at all! These are the same people who think they're making a joke when they shout, reflexively, "TMI!" or "Thanks for sharing" after anyone reveals anything personal or off-color.
People say sarcasm is the humor of the weak, but they're wrong. It's hashtags. Fucking hashtags.
I bet some people find that annoying, and if I tweeted it, they'd most certainly tweet back, #AngryMuch? Or maybe they'd go with #YouMadBro? Or whatever cliche they've picked up over the Web that they think fits. Because that's what the Web has become for so many: a place to be exposed to easily recreated, mass-produced humor to be reiterated over and over. Not humor so much as something dressed up to resemble humor.
The Internet has taught us that if you have a picture of your cat, all you have to do is make it say something a person would say and misspell it and you've got priceless LOLcat comedy. So easy. Like this:
OK, I messed that one up, but I had a lot of pressure on me. Shut up!
I guess what I'm saying is, I'm just waiting for the day when #firstworldproblems and LOLcats seem as awkward, unfunny and sad as a guy who asks you if you heard the one about the Polish terrorist sent to blow up a car. Oh, just Google it if you must.
Or instead of Polish jokes, how about looking up the new episode of HATE BY NUMBERS. Follow Gladstone on Twitter and stay up-to-date on the latest regarding Notes from the Internet Apocalypse. And then there's his website and Tumblr, too.
For more from Gladstone, check out The 9 Most Likely Reasons You've Been Unfollowed on Twitter and 5 Things That Make You Happier Than They Probably Should.