So after a life spent in a small town, you think you're ready to move to the big city. If multiple talking animal movie protagonists can do it, why can't you? Besides, you know what to expect: glitzy nightlife, exotic dining options, everyone spends all day, every day honking their horns in traffic. Well, I've made this journey myself, and trust me, you're in for some surprises ...
The City Is Actually Safer
Small towns are where you can leave the windows open at night, knowing that in the very worst case, you'll be visited by a talking owl with handy life lessons. Ask anyone who's never left their tiny hometown what life in a big city is like, and they'll provide you with the IMDb synopsis for The Departed. Sure, the city has its benefits ... if you survive.
And in fact, within a couple months of my move, there was a brutal murder just two blocks away from my new place. Shot right in the goddamned head! Everyone had been right all along! And I was probably next! I had re-habitated to Murder Town, and it was only a matter of time before the police found my body in a river or a dumpster behind a Dunkin' Donuts, or scattered in between.
The truth of the matter is that in general, you're far more likely to die purely by accident, and that happens way more in smaller towns. There, you're 20 percent more likely to die from unintentional injuries, your screams echoing across the tranquil countryside. That rural illusion of safety is based on pop culture, which tends to favor stories about shootouts in city streets over tragic tales of middle-aged men tumbling off their roofs while trying to adjust their satellite dishes.