The limit of my understanding, having been sent to purchase pads in the past -- if I were a more dishonest person, I would say it was for my beautiful fiery red-headed girlfriend, but I will concede it was actually for my mom -- is that there are a handful of different types that boil down to small, medium and large. Like drink sizes at Taco Bell, this is based on fluid retention. The big ones, you see, are for overnight, because when you sleep you're horizontal and the fluid levels even out, and tidal forces plus sphagnum cause excessive leakage. Or whatever. Medium are for business ladies and small are for chicks who have stuff written on their asses that we're not unsettled to read.
The reason men don't understand pads is pretty simple and can best be exemplified with the following graphic:
Logic dictates that a spill will require more or less effort to clean based on its size, but whether a dribble or a crotchy deluge, that small, medium or large should be able to cover it, and that should mean there's three kinds of pads. But good God, there's not three kinds of pads. Look at this screenshot from Kirstie Alley's house:
These things start at 7.5 inches. That means, to start, they're gauged by length, not fluid retention, which means it's not about how much juice your tomato is making, it's how big your hothouse is. For real? And then it goes up to 15.6 inches. Are you shitting me? Over a foot? You need over a foot of hoo-ha coverage? What kind of lawless crotch circus are you carting around with you? Do you know what else is about 15.6 inches? A size 22 shoe. Shaq could wear that pad on his foot.
The Always website gives you the option to navigate to like five different products. Infinity, Radiant, Tsunami Drop-Kick, the Red Fist of Rage ... God knows what else, because I refuse to click those links. They're just going to lead to more links and we all know it. Everything in the world of pads is needlessly complicated, probably for marketing and profit-based reasons. It's set up to be far too confusing for a man who never needs to use the things and thus has no vested interest in understanding them. But for real, you can get them as big as Shaq's foot.