Dealing directly with potential buyers was exhausting and time-consuming. After about six months of trying to sell the place on our own, we angrily swallowed our pride and declared ...
To Hell With It. We Give Up. Let a Real Estate Agent Handle the Damn Thing
David Sacks/Digital Vision/Getty Images
We lost all patience with the process. We flipped every table in sight and stormed off to find the number of a random real estate agent to let that bastard sell it for us. In our haste to find a good realtor, we made a teeny, tiny mistake: we looked for a realtor and not a good realtor.
I'm guessing our experience working with a realtor was not the norm. The extent of his involvement was to call and let us know a potential buyer was going to swing by to see the house at some point before the Rapture, and he, the realtor, the person now fully in charge of the process, would drop the phone in a toilet and leap out a window, land on his feet, and haul ass away from us at speeds as yet unimaginable by Guinness World Records officials. To say he was barely a part of the process is to say the Hindenburg was feeling a little farty that day.
Probably had a bad burrito or something.
This is where I learned the key difference between regular people and realtors: realtors have access to a list of other realtors who have legit, no-bullshit potential buyers as clients. That's it. The list is called the MLS, and anyone can access it ... assuming you have a couple thousand bucks and a couple hundred hours you're willing to dedicate to getting a real estate license, which to me is like saying I need to buy an ice cream truck and change my profession to ice cream man if I want to buy some ice cream. If I want ice cream, just give me the damn ice cream. I don't want to alter the course of my life for ice cream.
The realtor sent potential buyers to the house so I could deliver the sales pitch he should have been giving. This guy wanted 6 percent of the sale so he could pretend to be my secretary and I could pretend to do his job.
Jani Bryson/iStock/Getty Images
"Hello, Houses? Yes! Do you want sale?!" [honk, honk]
When this started, all we wanted to do was sell the house on our own, without the help of a realtor. And like something out of a tremendously dull but still scary episode of The Twilight Zone, that's exactly what happened ... by way of a lazy realtor.
Luis is so done with anything related to houses that he's currently living on the streets. In the meantime, you can find him on Twitter and Tumblr.
For more from Luis, check out 3 Everyday Hacks to Make Reality Behave Like a Movie and 4 Uncool Fashions We Should Consider Bringing Back.
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