People feared train travel would literally destroy our children's futures. The belief was that women's bodies simply could not handle being accelerated to 50 miles per hour. They thought that achieving this unprecedented speed would cause a woman's uterus to fly right out of her body. The basis for this fear was, of course, the fact that ... well ... science? I guess it was that ladies are delicate, so the most lady part of the lady must be the most delicate part?
Though no bodies disintegrated, trains did cause catastrophes. They were just boring, predictable catastrophes like people getting crushed to death (something everyone in the 1800s would have been very familiar with) or, at worst, the movie Snowpiercer. Women's uteri did not fly out the moment they reached 50 miles per hour, like some kind of Troma-made Back To The Future III. Unsurprisingly, the prediction based on nothing but irrational fear of the unknown did not come to pass.
Though, to be fair, these cars were pelted off by dislodged wombs.
And that's kind of the deal with all of these, right? Fear of the unknown. Fear of change. Fear of a flying uterus.
To me, the take-home message of these examples isn't that all change is good or that there's never cause to be alarmed. I'd say the Cuban Missile Crisis deserved a good deal of "holy shitting," for example. And it seems like global climate change is something that could make our lives objectively suck. I'm just advocating a healthy dose of skepticism when articles insinuate we're all headed for Sodom and Gomorrah because Lemonade teaches kids these days to firebomb cancer research centers. Maybe I'm preaching to the converted, advocating skepticism on Cracked. If I am, please remember: Telephones were built by Satan to rot our brains and intercept your hot goss. Amen.
Aaron Kheifets is an occasionally mustachioed comedian, writer, and director. You are allowed to follow him on Twitter, watch his videos, and look at his website.
Deep inside us all -- behind our political leanings, our moral codes, and our private biases -- there is a cause so colossally stupid that we surprise ourselves with how much we care. Whether it's toilet paper position, fedoras on men, or Oxford commas, we each harbor a preference so powerful we can't help but proselytize to the world. In this episode of the Cracked podcast, guest host Soren Bowie is joined by Cody Johnston, Michael Swaim, and comedian Annie Lederman to discuss the most trivial things we will argue about until the day we die. Get your tickets here!
Learn how bugs might become a delicacy in 5 Shocking Ways The World Is About To Change, and learn the truth about Lizard People in 5 Pathetic Groups That People Think Rule The World.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel to see why life in dumb movies would be better than what we've got now in Why 'Idiocracy' Would Actually Be A Utopia, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!
Also follow us on Facebook, because the Cracked comments section alone just isn't big enough for your diatribes about the end of the world.