That must have been 20 years ago. I didn't get beat up, it didn't happen more than once, and it was barely even directed at me. I never forgot it. Probably never will. It was the moment I realized in a real, tangible way that I could be reduced to an offhanded insult to someone who didn't give a shit about who I was. I was some fat kid. I've been some fat kid ever since.
I know logically that this was a random, unimportant label applied to me by someone whose name I not only don't remember but may have never even known in the first place. But that doesn't change the fact that I still remember it. It's burned in there, along with the guy in my high school shop class who used to yell "Fat boy!" every time he saw me. I always laughed it off, I never dwelled on it, never told my parents or friends, and to this day I have never outwardly expressed any dissatisfaction with my weight or appearance to a single other person until writing this article. Truth is, I've had a bit of hatred for myself since that day and had no idea how to change anything, so I never tried. I felt like that was who I was, there wasn't a method or a means to change anything. To change would mean becoming someone else, and that was impossible. I was some fat kid. I could never not be that kid.