Yeah yeah, I know. He's really a Doctor Who character.
Now that the rabid fanboys are in the comments section screaming that I'm a dickless idiot for mixing Lando with Geordi LaForge or whatever, let's attempt to do the impossible and have a civilized talk about Star Wars. As everyone and their gerbil knows, the franchise has a bit of a buzz going at the moment, and the world is busy arguing about when the first spinoffs will emerge, and who will star in them. There are several popular options, of course, and from what I can tell, the current ringleaders are Han Solo and the always bafflingly popular Boba Fett.
My civilized and reasonable opinion: screw Boba Fett. Dude's utterly useless. He's a fancy spacesuit filled with a black hole's worth of suck, which is kind of strange, considering he's the clone-son of a guy who once managed to hold his own against a Jedi.
Lucasfilm/20th Century Fox
Of course, daddy's other Jedi battle was ... less successful.
I'm not too into a Han Solo movie, either. He's a cool enough character, but unless J.J. Abrams pulls some serious aces from his sleeve, Han's Hero's Journey is pretty much done. His future appearances are likely limited to relatively minor mentor roles, and maybe getting to fly the Millennium Falcon a bit in some inevitable climactic battle. Also, much like Indiana Jones, he's too dependent on Harrison Ford being all charming and youthful, and we all know what happened to the latter when they tried to dig him up in his advanced age. "But what about recasting the character?" you ask. Sure, they could do that, but why tread muddy water when you have a whole damn universe to explore? It's not like Solo will ever have an adventure that surpasses the ones he had between 1977 and 1983.
But you know who might? Yep, Lando Calrissian, that's who. His name rarely emerges when talking about these things, which is a shame, because he's the exact thing that would benefit the franchise. Think about it: Lando is basically Han, only we know jack shit about his adventures. Expanded universe aside, this is what we know about him: Calrissian is the baron administrator of Cloud City, is an old friend of Solo, and has no problem betraying him when the Empire comes calling. But he eventually proves to be a jerk with a heart of gold, saves people, rises to the rank of a Rebel general, and kicks the second Death Star's ass. But where did he come from? How did he acquire control of Cloud City? How come he's able to pull stunts like that? And, above all, how does he accomplish all that while being so goddamn suave?
Lucasfilm/20th Century Fox
Billy Dee Williams, that's how.
Here we have a clearly Han-Solo-type, charismatic, and shady-in-just-the-right-way character who is virtually a blank slate, apart from being well-known and cool as hell. Recasting shouldn't hurt if it's done well. Plot-wise, literally anything's possible. All in all, if you're going to picket for one character in the existing Star Wars cinematic universe to get his own movie, I can't for the life of me think of anyone better.
So now that I've said this out loud, expect them to announce a trilogy of Jar-Jar Binks standalone movies within a month.
Pauli Poisuo takes no official stance on the whole Star Wars/Trek thing, because everyone knows it's all about Firefly, baby. Join his gang on Twitter and Facebook.
For more from Pauli, check out 4 Deadly Weapons Clearly Designed by a Cartoon Character and 4 Famous Mysteries With Really Obvious Answers.
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