3

There's A Weird Connection Between Gluten And Schizophrenia

The gluten-free craze is up to its wheaty giblets in cash and media exposure. Every delicious food you ever ate also has a far inferior gluten-free version that'll cost twice as much and taste half as good. I mock because gluten-free diets are necessary for people with conditions like celiac disease and no one else, many of whom have no idea what gluten is or why they don't want it. To be fair to those people, though, it's really hard to nail down what exactly various food components do to different bodies, since everyone's genes and lifestyles are different. For example, there's a correlation between gluten sensitivity and schizophrenia that nobody completely understands.

Just to be clear from the get-go, no one is saying gluten causes or prevents schizophrenia. But they are saying that a doctor noticed that a bizarrely high number of people hospitalized with schizophrenia also had a history of celiac disease as children. How high? 50-100 times what you'd expect. And doctors treating patients for celiac disease observed that their patients were about 10 times more likely to be schizophrenic as the general population. Wait, does this mean the gluten screwed up both their brain and guts? Or that avoiding gluten did it?

Well, other studies have shown that patients diagnosed with schizophrenia and other psychiatric conditions tend to have lower levels of an enzyme that breaks down gluten in the body. This can, I guess, lead to toxic levels of French bread in your brain. Other research shows that if patients removed gluten from their diets, symptoms associated with schizophrenia improved.

Doctors, who foolishly insist on "evidence" before making bold claims that can earn them sweet internet traffic, say we need tons more studies before anyone even understands why this link exists or what should be done about it. Still, expect plenty of "gluten causes schizophrenia" memes on Facebook. Probably with minions on them or something.

Related: 5 Bizarre (But Rare) Side Effects Of Common Foods

2

Downing Too Many Energy Drinks Can Apparently Lead To Brain Hemorrhages

Back in the day, before anyone cared enough to warn me against doing this, I used to go to a campus bar for lunch and enjoy the odd Vodka Red Bull or three. Sometimes I would also get a sandwich. But that zippy mix of uppers and downers really set the tone for my afternoon classes. It turns out it was also terribly bad for me and, unbeknownst to all of us, could have made my brain literally start to bleed. Would that have made some of my philosophy classes more tolerable? We'll never know.

1

All Sorts Of Foods React With MAOIs

You know those commercials for the latest boner pill that show a bunch of old men cycling or carving hammers out of driftwood during a sunset? And the voiceover narration sounds calm and reassuring until it gets to the side effects, which can include spontaneous vampirism, coagulated urine, and hairy eyeballs? And then it says you shouldn't take this medication if you're on MAOIs? Turns out you can take barely anything while on MAOIs, including numerous foods, because man, your insides become a circus of chaos if you do.

If you're not familiar with MAOIs, it stands for monoamine oxidase inhibitor, which should totally clear it up. These were the first mass-marketed antidepressant medications, used to treat depression, bipolar disorder, PTSD, and other psychiatric conditions. They've since fallen out of favor for two reasons (though they're still used for conditions like migraines and bulimia). For one, there are now much more effective antidepressants on the market. For two, MAOIs reacted badly with damn near everything. Not just other medications or alcohol, but food too. Lots of food, in fact -- anything high in tyramine.

That includes aged cheese, beer, chocolate, dried fruit, eggplant, spinach, tomato, tofu, and about a million other things. Incidentally, three more things that you can't eat on MAOIs are liver, fava beans, and Chianti. So when Hannibal Lecter said that famous line in Silence Of The Lambs, he was actually making an inside joke. He was saying he was off his medication, because otherwise he could have straight up died eating that meal. Eating these foods with MAOIs could lead to hypertensive crises, which can include vomiting, migraines, nosebleeds, stroke, and even death.

See? You shouldn't get your health advice from internet comedy articles. You should get it from serial killer movies.

If you loved this article and want more content like this, consider a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out If Junk Food Commercials Were Honest - Honest Ads:

The first-ever Cracked Podcast LIVE TOUR is coming to a city near (some of) you this spring! Tickets on sale now for Chicago IL (April 11th) and St. Paul MN (April 12th).

Live deliciously and follow us on Facebook.