Damnit, you nerds.
They've learned to fight against us with language and they are winning. The nobodies have convinced each other through PTA meetings, blogs and 20/20 segments that we are unnecessary in the world, that society would be better off without bullies. They are turning us into losers with their rhetoric, and losing at stuff goes against the very fiber of our being.
We have to respond but our counterattack has to be smart. We must learn to use language as an ally instead of trying to punch it back down the throat of some geek. It's going to take a lot of work.
Nerds know a lot of words because they were holed up in libraries and basements studying all those years while you were crashing motorcycles and nailing single moms. We'll have to catch up. We need to start studying literature, essays and poetry to see how language works, and this time you can't have someone else do it for you. We may even have to open our minds to the texts of other cultures, other philosophies and ways of life. Then, when we've absorbed everything, we will turn around and trounce all those pansies.
"Say it! Say 'leaf' and 'leave' are homophones you pussy."
I won't pretend this is going to be quick either. It could take years. But if at some point in the studying and learning process you start to feel like it's not worth it, just keep in mind the day when you can hold the attention of all those smug nobodies with fancy compliments, cleverly distracting them while your insult sneaks around the back and crouches behind their knees, waiting for your push. That day is going to feel really good.
II. Getting Back to Basics
Over the years we've deviated from our core principles. Too many modern bullies are striking from afar, hurling insults across the internet. That's cowardly. What's more, it devalues the work of our bullying ancestors. You were gifted with physical superiority yet you've chosen a venue for tormenting where that quality holds no bearing. By instigating fights through social networks, you not only sacrifice the potential to prove how much stronger and better looking you are then that loser you're attacking, you've also unintentionally opened the door to thousands of nobodies trying their hand at harassment.
You gave nerds a taste of our power. That was irresponsible.