4

Robinson Crusoe

Breakdown:

Twenty-three-year-old socialite and push-up sensation ROBBIE returns to New York City handsome and tan after being stranded on a desert island for 12 years. Everyone, including his ethnically ambiguous girlfriend, SABRINA, and decidedly black friend, TYLER, assumed him dead when his family yacht was attacked by Somali pirates. Returning to society, Robbie inherits his father's nationwide fitness chain but is soon overwhelmed by all the thrilling advancements in gym technology over the past decade, as well as the dark secrets he uncovers about his father's embezzlement schemes and possible murder. Now Robbie and his friends must struggle to uncover the truth, keep the business afloat, and still find the time to ensure that their six-packs stay properly rocking.

3

The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Breakdown:

The grisly series of attacks on fraternity brothers near a state university bell tower has police baffled. Fortunately, CAITRYN CALLARI, first-year psych student and girlfriend to one of the victims, has quietly been following the case and created a psychological profile of the attacker. Her hypotheses based on a semester of a 101 class have led her directly to the assailant: a hideously deformed man who lives in the bell tower. But as she confronts the monster, she realizes that each attack was actually warranted and that he's not so different from a normal human, despite a weak chin, sandy blond hair, and back muscles that are almost noticeably overdeveloped from too many pull-ups. Now she needs to help keep the recluse safe while also uncovering the truth behind the attacks. But things get complicated as she starts to fall in love with the creature.

2

Rumpelstiltskin

Breakdown:

Journalist COLLEEN FINNEGAN works for the failing Channel 7 News in Chicago. She fears for her job and the state of the news media in general until the night she's visited by a very tiny, handsome, mysterious man (about 5'7"). He offers her scoops on big events, some of which haven't even happened yet, spinning all of her coverage into gold. Suddenly, the station sees ratings like never before as Colleen continually breaks stories before anyone else. But it comes with a price -- the little man (certainly no taller than 5'8") has made her promise to marry him in four years' time in exchange for all the scoops. Now she's left to wonder about her miniature source (maybe 5'9", but only in certain pairs of shoes), who refuses to give his name. How does he know so much? Is he partially responsible for all the tragedies she covers? Is he a magic imp from the future? Colleen has to put her journalism skills to the test as she tries to unlock the secrets while simultaneously juggling the newfound indulgences and helicopter rides of a famous field reporter.

1

Three Billy Goats Gruff

Breakdown:

Twenty-something CAROLINE moves across the country when her boyfriend, JASPER, is forced to relocate for his job, but during her first day in the new city, she is hit by a rickshaw and loses her memory! As she struggles to piece her life back together and Jasper scrambles to find clues about her disappearance, fate guides them back into one another's arms, proving that no city is too large to conquer love. Once they're back together, however, Caroline immediately starts drinking more and taking dangerous, sexually promiscuous risks. Jasper is clueless to her double life as she systematically seduces and sleeps with each of his friends, even going after his own brother and father. As she spins out of control in a cycle of self-hatred and newly awakened lust, concepts like love and integrity collapse around her into vicious jealousy and even murder, but Caroline only watches it all burn and smiles at the devastation for which she is responsible. It is sad and bitter and violent, but it is also a cautionary tale about getting proper treatment after a severe head injury, because sometimes the contusions cause lasting brain damage. Oh, also, they're all goats.

Excerpt:

You can follow Soren on Twitter or Tumblr.